Hello and welcome back to another programme in the series on Family Matters.

Last time, I emphasised how important forgiveness is if we want to develop healthy relationships in our families and fellowships. We thought about Jacob and Esau, two brothers who learned to forgive, and so heal years of estrangement between them. Today we will look at another troubled family, a family who can teach us so much through their mistakes and misunderstandings; who show us how a journey towards forgiveness can wipe out the past and help us to start again.

This is the family of Joseph

If you don’t know the story of Joseph, then why don’t you take time to read it in Genesis, from chapter 37. It’s a great story and will give you the background. Joseph is probably best known for his brightly coloured coat – a gift from his dad. Jacob favoured Joseph above all the other children in his large family. In the days when it was accepted that men could have more than one wife, we are told that Jacob had two. He really loved Rachel but was forced first to marry her older sister Leah. Although Leah had many children, Rachel struggled to conceive. Eventually she bore Jacob his last 2 sons, Joseph and Benjamin. Sadly, Rachel died giving birth to Benjamin. Jacob was heartbroken and as a result favoured her 2 sons above all the other boys.

Understanding these painful circumstances means we might have some sympathy for Jacob’s favouritism. We know he struggled with Rachel’s sadness and anger at her earlier childlessness. He would be overjoyed for her as well as himself when she finally bore him 2 sons. It was a cruel blow that the birth of her second son caused her death. Spoiling her 2 boys may have been Jacob’s way of coming to terms with his grief.

But Jacob’s other sons and daughters saw only a favouritism that caused them to be deeply jealous. Joseph’s attitude towards them didn’t help, behaving as all spoiled children do. He told tales about them to their father and lorded it over them, taunting them that he would be more important than them and generally making them very angry with him.

A father who made mistakes; brothers who made mistakes. The stage is set for consequences that would split this family apart. Joseph’s brothers determined to get rid of him and one day took advantage of passing traders to sell him into slavery.

Meanwhile, we can only guess at the troubled family left behind. The brothers return, and, ashamed of what they have done, they lie to their father, telling him Joseph has been killed by wilrd animals. Jacob mourns now not only his wife, but his son. 10 brothers who had disagreed over what was done to Joseph no doubt blamed each other. Above all, their family life was built on a lie they told to cover up what they had done. They lived for many years with a guilty secret. This all came out into the open when unexpected events forced the truth to be faced.

It is a sad fact that many families live with things that have happened in the past, causing relationships to be built on unresolved grief, hurts done, secrets buried. The story of Joseph’s family shows us how to deal with these and move on. Painful as it was, honesty and opening up the secrets and lies had a wonderful effect. As we will see, family relations were restored through genuine remorse and magnanimous forgiveness

Joseph was severely wronged, but his positive attitude to a succession of difficulties helps his fortunes to rise. He finds himself in favour with Pharaoh and is appointed to a very important position. Thanks to Joseph’s good management, Egypt has plenty grain and to spare during a time of widespread famine. Jacob sends all his remaining sons except Benjamin to Egypt to try to buy some food. The brothers come face to face with Joseph, but fail to recognise him in all his finery and importance. Here is Joseph’s perfect chance for revenge! Here is his chance to get back at the family members who have so cruelly punished him, far beyond what his childish behaviour deserved. But Joseph is overwhelmed with love for them and for his father. After some testing of their genuine sorrow for past wrongs, he generously forgives them.

Do you remember the two steps we need to take to heal past wrongs?

First, if you can see where you might be at fault, it is important to feel genuinely sorry, and, if possible, to be able to say so to the person or people involved.

Joseph’s brothers almost immediately regretted selling Joseph to the slave traders. They were so ashamed that they couldn’t bear to tell their father the truth of what had really happened. They lied to him and carried a huge burden of guilt for many years. When Joseph met his brothers again in Egypt, the way he treated them at first may seem rather cruel. But he is actually giving them the chance to show that they really are sorry and will not hurt their father or Benjamin again. They show real remorse and regret when they are willing to put their own lives on the line to try to avoid their father having to part with Benjamin.

Then, what if we are the one who has been wronged?

We must be able to forgive.

Joseph is our example. He suffered terribly because of what his brothers did to him. He was taken as a slave to a faraway country. He was unjustly accused and imprisoned for many years. Bitterness against his brothers would surely have been understandable. But when he saw how sorry his brothers were, he was willing to forgive them unconditionally and was prepared to bury the past.

In Mark 11.25, Jesus tells us that before we pray, we should forgive others, even as Jesus has forgiven us.

During the second world war, two Dutch sisters, Corrie and Betsy ten Boom were taken to a prison camp where they were cruelly treated. Tragically, Betsy died there. Corrie was set free at the end of the war. She was often invited to speak about her experiences, and her message was always about God’s love and forgiveness. She urged people hurting from the war to learn to forgive their enemies. At one of these meetings, she came face to face with the guard responsible for the death of her sister. He didn’t recognize her, and held out his hand to shake hers. Corrie’s first reaction was horror. This man murdered her beloved sister! She had been urging others to forgive their enemies and here she was faced with the reality of how difficult that is to do! She offered a quick prayer for help from God. Experiencing a power outside herself, she felt her reluctant hand lifted, and as she shook her enemy’s hand, the power of God’s forgiveness filled her.

But Joseph’s story shows something else about forgiveness.

Sometimes, even although others have forgiven us, we may find it very difficult to forgive ourselves. In Genesis chapter 50, we read of the death of Jacob and find this has an unexpected impact on Joseph’s brothers. They are now very afraid that Joseph has only forgiven them to please their father. Now that Jacob has died, will Joseph at last take the revenge they feel they deserve? Joseph has to reassure them that his forgiveness came with no conditions and they need not worry any more.

So, here is another important part of forgiveness - we need to be able to accept the forgiveness offered. Perhaps this means learning to forgive ourselves and truly let go of the past. Only then can we fully know the freedom that forgiveness brings.

With regard to forgiving ourselves, Corrie ten Boom quoted Psalm 103 verse 12: As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

She also added: and let there be no fishing!

God’s forgiveness

Although both Joseph and Corrie ten Boom’s stories are wonderful examples of the power of forgiveness, they hardly compare to the depth of forgiveness that God offers us through the death of his only son on the Cross. Jesus, completely innocent, suffered unthinkable pain and humiliation bearing a punishment that should have been ours.

When my son was very small, he was asked in Sunday School to draw a picture of Jesus on the Cross. It was well done, but there was a curious extra drawing in the top corner of the page which I had to ask him about. It was a face, with curious-looking drops below. He explained that this was God crying as he watched his son go through so much pain.

And yet, from the torture of the Cross, he could look down on all those responsible for what was happening to him and ask that God would forgive them. It is by the power of the same Spirit that raised him from the dead that we can have the ability to forgive others.

Jesus told us in Matthew 6.12 to ask God to forgive us as we forgive others. If we want to know the fulness of God’s forgiveness, we must learn to practise forgiveness to others.

Now is the time to say sorry if we have hurt someone – recently or in past days.

Now is the time to let go of bitterness and forgive

Now is the time to accept God’s unconditional forgiveness of our past

I believe forgiveness is the most powerful healing medicine available.

God’s forgiveness of us gives freedom from the burden of guilt.

When we are able to forgive, we can be free of the burden of anger and bitterness.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can ask for forgiveness; we can offer forgiveness; we can accept forgiveness.

It must be our fervent prayer that God will give us the humility to accept his free and full forgiveness and the strength and courage to offer it to others.

In our next and last session in this series, we will think about the challenges facing us as Christians in today’s world.

Questions

How do we avoid letting past difficulties affect our relationships in the present?

What are the things we find most difficult about forgiving people who have hurt us badly?

Can you share an experience of God healing bitterness in your life or in the life of someone you know?