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Candle in the Dark 01 : That Summer In 2015 - Rebecca

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SIM East Asia
20 Mar 2024

That Summer in 2015

Rebecca (Female)

 

Rebecca is from Hong Kong and was gainfully employed when God called her into full-time mission work. Before her call, she was happily making annual mission trips organised by her church. She’s single and has been in the field for four years.

 

My name is Rebecca. I am single and a former secondary school teacher in Hong Kong. I have been serving for the past three years in North-central Asia among at risk young adults who were edged out or had to leave the government/charity-run shelters as they no longer qualified for the shelters since they exceeded the mandatory age limit.  

In 2013, I signed up for my first mission trip to North-central Asia through my church. Following that, I kept returning to North-central Asia every six months. The summer of 2015 was my fifth time in North-central Asia and I served there for two weeks. During the first week, I was in high spirits because I was having so much fun playing with the orphans in all the fun activities. But things took a turn in the second week.

 

The Vision

One night during my second week in North-central Asia, I was listening intently to one NGO staff member’s testimony when all of a sudden, I had a vision. In my vision, I was sitting in a circle with two other NGO staff officers. I was sharing my testimony about working as a full-time missionary. This image lasted only a few seconds but it was enough to scare me silly. I kept telling myself it was an illusion. I did not tell anyone in my team about the vision as I was still grappling with it. That night before I slept, I was unable to control my tears. I struggled deeply as I told God I was not willing to serve in North-central Asia as a long-term worker.

 

First Confirmation

The day before we left North-central Asia, the NGO director’s wife approached me cautiously. I sensed she was acting somewhat out of the ordinary. She put her hand on my shoulder and said calmly, “Rebecca, I just want to tell you something. Yesterday, I cast a random glance at you and I heard God telling me that this sister, that is you, will be our next team mate. Last night, some of the staff came to my house and we prayed for your calling.” I remembered I got goosebumps right after hearing that. I did not expect to receive God’s confirmation this way.

 

Second And Third Confirmation

The first week after I returned to HK, I was still very upset about the calling. I deliberately refrained from praying or reading the bible because I wanted to avoid hearing from God.

One night, while having dinner with three other ladies from church, I shared a sermon about the Jordan River that I had heard in North-central Asia. I also told them about my vision. After dinner, one of the ladies sent me a text message. She took a screenshot of the devotional that she had read that night. It was about the Jordan River. She told me she could tell that God was using people around me to speak to me even as I tried to hide from Him. The first line of the devotional seemed to jump out of the page at me, “The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one can take your responsibility away from you. There is no use in saying that you cannot go – the experience is here, and you must go.”

That week, I kept asking God “Why me?” while crying buckets every day. On Sunday, during the church service, the pastor preached from the Book of Jonah. This, as I saw it, was definitely NOT a coincidence. In his sermon, he mentioned a professional tennis player called Arthur Ashe who contracted HIV from a blood transfusion he received during surgery. One of his fans asked him, "Why does GOD choose you for such a crippling disease?"

To this he replied: “In the world, over 5,000,000 persons learn to play tennis; 500,000 persons learn professional tennis; 50,000 persons come to the circuit; 5,000 persons reach the grand slam; 50 persons reach Wimbledon; 4 persons reach the semi-finals; and 2 persons to the finals. When I was holding a trophy cup, I never asked GOD ‘Why me?’ And today in pain I should not be asking GOD ‘Why me?’”

That day, after hearing the sermon, I surrendered to God. I said, “If it is your will, I will follow and obey you.”

 

Bargaining With God

Although I said I would follow and obey God, I still withheld part of myself from God. I began bargaining with Him. I remembered when I was filling in the application form of a mission agency for the very first time in 2016, I sat in the office grumbling and negotiating with Him. “God, I am willing to serve in North-central Asia but how about me going there ten years later? When the time comes, I will have been more spiritually matured and I will have saved up more money.”

I learnt that sometimes, when God calls you to do something, His prompt response to your prayer can be very ‘scary’. One night, I met up with my care group for Bible study. It so happened that the chapter revolved around the topic “The Rich and the Kingdom of God” which was based on Matthew 19:16-28. My tears rolled down my cheeks when I read the verse, “When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth” (Matthew 19:22, NIV). This verse hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like the rich young man who was unwilling to give up his possessions to follow Jesus. I was so ashamed of myself, especially when I had been proudly proclaiming myself to be a ready servant of Jesus Christ all this time. God knew my heart - He knew deep down I was not willing to sacrifice my very stable and highly-paid job to serve Him. Being a strongly independent woman from Hong Kong, I could not adjust to the idea of depending on well-wishers’ donations for my sustenance. In short, I did not feel comfortable to raise funds for myself. As a matter of fact, it went against my pride and dignity. How could anyone commit to financially supporting me and my work in North-central Asia on a regular basis for an extended period of time? Yes, my close buddies but otherwise, not that many, I thought.

 

Final Surrender

In the winter of 2017, I signed up as usual for a mission trip to North-central Asia. I was there for Christmas. Two days prior to my return to Hong Kong, I witnessed the baptism of five teenage youths that I got to know over the years. I had watched them growing up in the shelter since 2013. During the baptism, the Hong Kong team prayed aloud for them and sang “Holy Spirit You are welcome here”. I was so moved to see them one by one declaring “yes” to follow Jesus Christ. I told myself, “Rebecca, what is more joyful than to share the Good News of Jesus Christ and witness people seeking God and becoming a believer? It is a blessing indeed.”  I closed my eyes and made a promise to God, “I am so sorry for disappointing you so many times but I will resign this academic year and will serve you wholeheartedly. Thanks for choosing me as your vessel to glorify your Kingdom!”

A Stranger’s Donation

After the mission trip, I signed up for a 10-week Kairos course in church to prepare myself as a full-time missionary. On graduation day, everyone had to go on stage to say a few words. I shared I would be moving to North-central Asia as a full-time worker. After I walked down from the stage, an African lady, a friend of my classmates, approached me and said, “Rebecca, when I heard that you will be serving in North-central Asia, I know God has answered my prayer. I have been praying to God for the whole year to send someone to serve in a very cold country like North-central Asia and here you are. Here is my offering to you. I thank God for His answer.” It was HKD50 (about SGD8.6/ US6.4). I was speechless. What? A stranger giving me an offering? Honestly, HKD50 may not even get me a lunch set at a Cha Chaan Teng (Hong Kong-style café) in Hong Kong but it was definitely a huge sum for this lady. I was so touched and kept crying because her generosity was like a miracle to me. Truly, “…nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37, ESV). I am still keeping that HKD50 note in my wallet to remind myself of God’s faithfulness.

 

The God Who Multiplies

Six months before I moved to North-central Asia, I was preparing for my fund-raising event. I invited 60 people to the event, and 50 of them said they would attend. As an “experienced” event organiser, I estimated that 30 to 40 would turn up. I started feeling nervous and anxious as the day drew nearer. “What if I cannot raise enough funds to serve in North-central Asia? What if fewer than 20 people show up?” Suddenly, I lost all confidence in God. I was thankful when a friend reminded me, “Rebecca, even if there is only one person attending the event, it is still worth doing it because it is NOT your event but God’s event.” Wow, so true! I had been focusing on myself so much that I had forgotten that it was not about me. It was all about God. To my surprise and beyond my expectation, 100 people turned up. Wait! Where did these people come from? I had to ask my church helpers to bring in more chairs! I was and still am puzzled by the turnout. God must have stirred their hearts and got them to come. I managed to raise enough funds within two weeks. My supporters included some of my friends and people whom I did not know at the event. God showed me that He was gracious to provide all that I needed even though I did not ask for it.  

North-central Asia is the place where God wants me to be. It was confirmed time and again in my prayer and in the years I’ve been serving there. From the first time I said “yes” to God to serve Him as a missionary in the field, I had simply acted out of obedience, not love for the people. But God has transformed my heart gradually, almost imperceptibly. I’m now getting really excited to see how God will reveal His plan for me and for the people of North-central Asia, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV).

 

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