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Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I am Won KIM, voicing Pastor Caleb Soo Lee Chong. Shalom. Today, we’ll carry on our discussions on “Being Someone’s Children and Parents”.
In our earlier lessons, we spoke on why a couple should not indulge in sex at all before marriage, as that would cast a long shadow on their lives forever. And this is not just for themselves, either; this is said with their new family after marriage in mind, too. It is of utmost importance to observe these principles to ensure a firm footing upon which a lasting marriage would take root, grow, flourish and eventually bear fruits in the years to come.
We went on to say that the couple should enter marriage via love and not sex. Love takes time to grow; and a marriage that is established through love is built on a firm bedrock. May Lord help us to be good husbands who discharge their responsibilities well. The head of the household will need to have a strong heart anchored to the Word in awe of the Lord while drawing from His wisdom to run the family. The wife should be in obedience to the husband as ordained by the Lord. You may be more intelligent, wiser, better educated, or even in a more senior position in the company, take home a bigger pay cheque and so on than your husband. None of these, however, should be raised to justify your disobedience. Only families built on mutual harmony between both sides can be beautiful and long lasting.
The husband is the head of the family, while the wife comes freely under him in the marriage. It is not a head that is harsh and unreasonable, but one who will hear out what his other half has to offer instead. The wife is analogous to the neck of the husband, without which the head would cease to function well. So, husbands, accept help offered by your wife, as in the case of Eve helping Adam to accomplish the mission entrusted to them by God, to be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. While this mission is sacred and ordained by God, husband and wife must work together to succeed.
Likewise, only families starting with a male and female and progressing into parenthood can be considered to be of good health. It would run against the will of God if the “family” were to start out with two adults of the same gender. God would not be pleased with that. The children would lose their sense of direction; neither would they be able to face the world as they grow up. We pray to our Heavenly Father to confer wisdom on us so that we can follow Him in true obedience.
Being someone’s children
How does the Bible view filial piety and giving honour to one’s parents?
In the Bible, in the book of Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1-3 sheds light on how members of the family can show filial piety and give honour to one’s parents.
“1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth 3 in this first commandment with a promise”.
The English bible uses the word “honour” to translate the Hebrew word “kabod” in the above biblical quote. In its original biblical text “kabod” means something heavy or weighty. Do you know how to show and act with filial piety or honour your father and mother from here?
Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1-3 clearly calls upon us to show filial piety to honour our parent “for this is right.” So, how should you proceed from here?
The bottom line is that respecting our parents is as necessary as it is unconditional. Such a teaching is not exclusive to our faith either; indeed, everyone knows that it has to be so. No one who follows this principle needs to make a song and dance about it, as if was some meritorious deed to brag about. We are urged to show respect and obedience towards our parents so that they can feel pleased and proud about it.
Yes, it is only natural that we seek God’s help to respond in this manner “for this is right.” Let no one say that he is unwilling to honour his father “because he is no good.” It is a call of duty that is unconditional. Period.
(2) “Obey your parents in the Lord…”
Note that the bible calls upon us to “obey your parents in the Lord.” In other words, parents need to bring up their children according to the Word. If our parents are not “in the Lord”, i.e., within the Truth of God, we are to advise and remind our parents in a prudent manner, and not to force our way in total and absolute disregard to our elders. We can also see it this way: the bottom line of such obedience is found in the Truth and the Lord. If our parents’ demand requires us to act against the Truth, as in cheating, stealing, etc., we are not to abide by them blindly. We are never to indulge them and do something out of “unquestioning piety”.
Christian children must, however, stand firm and handle the situation with gentleness when they face such difficult situations. Say, your parents demand that you worship idols. You have to stay firm on this core principle. You can say to them, “Dad, Mom. I am not able to do this. I am a Christian and can only worship God. To those loved ones who are no longer with us, however, I can express my remembrance and respect.” Humility and harmony must shine through our attitude, even as our viewpoint brooks no compromise whatsoever. We must target at seeking their understanding without giving rise to undue or overly strained relationships between both sides. This is why we earnestly seek the help of our Heavenly Father. Our elderly parents should be able to see our witness throughout the entire episode.
Honouring our Parents in Our Daily Lives
“Obey your parents in the Lord…” Such advice flows along well with similar precepts advocated in Chinese culture. Zengzi, a disciple of Confucius, said, “There are three levels in the practice of filial piety. Top level: bring honor to one’s parents. Level Two: do nothing that drag one’s parents into shame. Level Three: able to serve one’s parents in their old age.” These are expanded below:
(1) Preserving one’s integrity/holding firm to one’s posture.
The Book of Filial Piety teaches us to literally [守身,shoushen, or] take care of our own bodies. In practice, this means to hold firm to oneself / to preserve one’s integrity. It went on to elaborate that piety begins by avoiding harm or destruction done to our body, hair and skin, all of which are gifted from our parents. The word “preserve” comprises two intents. The first one involves the acts of putting filial piety into action. If one suffers from illness or disability, there is no way for him to carry out these acts personally. The second intent involves keeping one away from ill health so that he would not become a worry to his parents. It is therefore imperative for one to preserve his health by letting his parents feel rest assured, have peace of mind and a heart filled with good cheer. All of these build up to filial piety.
Dear brothers and sisters, we see the pinnacle of all these in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 19, “…your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives.” Yes, there is every reason to uphold our own body well!
(2) Cultivation of one's moral character
Secondly, let us look at a Chinese phrase [修身 xiushen] pointing to the cultivation of one's moral character. While we deliberate over the preservation of our physical self in the last segment, we now shift our focus to one’s ethical behaviour. Corruption in one’s morality/ethics will throw his parents into shame, as it is a blatant act of unfilial behavior. More important than this is the concept of [行仁道xingrendao] pursuing the way of benevolence. It would not do if we refuse to follow the way as shown by God. The concept [of xingrendao] covers kindness to people and cherishing objects/creatures. Its translation into daily deeds involves the “care for my own aged parents and extending the same care to the aged parents of others; love my own young children and extending the same love to the children of others". I am able to take care of my own parents, as well as those of others; so it is, with my own children and those of others. The world would become a warm and large family where mutual care is the order of the day. Noble thoughts of Mencius these are, indeed!
It is our prayer to our Heavenly Father to help us and enable us to love our own brothers and sisters, and following that, to love the world at large. Such teachings are found in the bible too. If we are able to love members of our family and extend outwards to those of others so that we are family in this world, that would become a beautiful witness for ourselves as Christians too. We see, therefore, filial piety is a basic concept waiting to be expanded and realized.
It is important for us to respect our parents and be polite to them in addition to the last two points raised. During the Old Testament times, those who neglect or show disrespect to their parents had to undergo serious punishment as spelled out in the book of Leviticus chapter 20 verse 9. “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” Similar provisions appear in Exodus chapter 21 verse 15, and Proverbs chapter 30 verse 11 too.
Summing up, we have to be tough on ourselves, while showing respect to our parents at the same time. It would be wrong to think that one has performed his filial obligations by just throwing some money at his parents. The correct concept includes according them great respect and honour. May God confer such intents upon us, may our family be in true harmony, and see eternal hope beckoning from afar. This is the greatest display of loving one’s parents. May God bless us.
Being Someone’s Parents
How Are Parents to Lead Their Children?
What should our role be as someone’s parents? As parents, how are we to lead our children according to Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4 and Colossians chapter 3 verse 21?
Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4 says: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Colossians chapter 3 verse 21 says: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Teaching Via the Negative Approach
The bible is clear about this: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” That is teaching via the negative approach. What words and actions from us will cause our children to become discouraged?
I can think of nine examples below:
All the above remarks will cause the child to become discouraged. In addition, other parental behaviours, too, can give rise to similar consequences as well, such as...
May our Heavenly Father show us the way to bring up the children with wisdom, so that we may become models in their eyes in word and deeds. They would thus be able to emulate us. Teaching by deeds and words must go hand in hand. The best way to teach a child is not just by way of delivering verbal lectures, but we have to lead them by example as well. It is the hope of all parents to see their children grow up into sincere and useful adults, complete with a character of virtue.
If all of us have this hope and wants to make it a reality, we - being parents ourselves – would have to learn how to become sincere people of virtue. Imagine parents who expect their children to go to church but staying home instead – what will their children learn to become? Or parents pointing to their children with a lighted cigarette shouting at their children not to smoke. What an irony that would be!
Teaching by words and deeds must work together before it can take effect, just as knowledge and character must have equal weightage. I gain wisdom as I teach the children; the same goes for my virtue and knowledge as well. Likewise, we do not merely seek to and grow our children’s scope of knowledge in educating them; we also expect higher virtues in them too. Our family can then walk towards harmony and bring glory to God.
In the same vein, we need to blend compassion and justice in teaching our own children, instead of practicing partiality in what we do, or adopting false principles. Getting tough towards children is sometimes useful in helping them grow up. The bible says, “Teach the child the way to go, and they will not turn from it, even when they are old.” (Proverbs 22:6)
However, punishment or the implementation of justice must be carried out with a heart of love. Doing otherwise would be tantamount to controlling children through authoritarian means, which is not healthy for them. Some people inflict violence as a form of punishment at their pleasure, not knowing that such acts will result in a distorted character and hardened heart in time to come. The Jews have this ancient saying, “Punish the child with the right hand, but carry him up with the left.”
In other words, you are allowed to inflict pain on the child, but not all over his body. You may give him a slap on his buttocks, but not a blow at his head. That might cause brain damage to a young child. May God help us to know when and how to mete out physical punishment to our children, and not every which way as led by our fury at that moment. Indeed, there are many things that can be sorted through reasoning, rather than resorting to the rod. May God help us to lead our children to Him in a way that both parent and child would truly benefit through the process.
Let’s pray
Dear Heavenly Father,
We thank you for the gift of parents and that of parenthood. We can learn how to honour our parents through acts of filial piety as their children, even as our parents lead us through live education by bringing us up. O Lord, help us to become good and responsible parents, to bring up the next generation, who will then pass the baton to generations to come. May all of us learn to live in awe of the LORD, and earn the glory to become your children and grandchildren so that your glory will stay with us forever. Hear our prayers, O Lord, and let our family experience your blessings, compassion, pardon and great love. In the name of the Lord Jesus, we pray, Amen!
Recommendations by Rev. Dr Caleb SOO Lee Chong
The three books “The Gospel for the Modern Man”, “Faith of the Modern Believer” and “Values for the Modern Disciple” by Rev. Dr Caleb SOO Lee Chong are worthy books to edify disciples. In order to minimize differences in the qualities amongst Christians, our churches need to set up basic courses to address these issues. In turn, this will enable all disciples to incorporate their faith into their lives and allow changes to take place through renewal of minds. May God make use of these basic courses to edify more disciples to strengthen His soldiers and claim victory on His battle-ground!
The three books “The Gospel for the Modern Man”, “Faith of the Modern Believer” and “Values for the Modern Disciple” are suitable course materials for anyone who wish to acquire understanding of the Christian faith in a more comprehensive manner. The contents are easy to grasp and relate to the real world that we are living in. They are written with an eye for the man-in-the-street and explore how to make our faith come alive in our daily social interactions.
In particular, these are suitable if you
1. are someone who wants to understand the Christian faith or,
2. are someone who has just accepted the Christian faith or,
3. have been a Christian for many years but still hungering for a firmer grounding in the faith or,
4. are a pastor or co-worker who plans to use these materials for teaching purposes.
If you need to take up learning or use these materials in a systematic manner, please us contact at this email address.：[email protected]