Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I am Won KIM, voicing Pastor Caleb Soo Lee Chong. Shalom. Today, we’ll carry on with the topic “Providing Positive Guidance to the Child”.

You will recall how we spoke at length on bringing up children in the segment “Teaching Via the Negative Approach” during the last time we met. We learned not to embitter our children, or they will become discouraged. We do not want the side-effects of our words and deeds to fester; not to throw cold water on our next generation, so that they will not think of giving up hope, not to mention growing into followers of Christ. All those are negative narratives!

Let us now turn the tables and look at the positive approach, to wit, how our children can learn from their parents to lead a useful life as a person of true virtue – a God-fearing person who performs their work in a dutiful manner.

Providing Positive Guidance

Today, we shall be sharing what constitutes Positive Guidance, namely, the Bible teachings in the Bible in the book of Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4, “…to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Note the phrase “training and instruction” here. The Greek word in the original is paideia, which covers controlling one’s gears to move towards the right direction. Similar references are found in the Bible in the book of Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6 and chapter 13 verse 24 below. Hence, it is admissible for this phrase “training of a child” to cover education, instruction, and discipline in the current context.

1. Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6 says: “Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not turn away from it.”
2. Proverbs chapter 13 verse 24 says: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

Now, how are we to steer or guide our children to move in the right direction? The original word “nouthesia” is formed from blending nous (thinking) with a derivative of tithemi (calling attention to, and emplacing). Hence, it is, by implication, the input of thoughts into the child via a mild rebuke, warning or admonition. The person doing this, however, has to be tender, orderly, loving without being overly attentive. You may be asking what is to be put into the mind of a child and how is that to be done. Well, we will cover that later.

All parents want their children to move in the proper direction. In the world of equestrianship (horse riding), bits, bridles and the like are the means to train a horse to respond in obedience. Likewise, saplings in their early stages of growth have to undergo pruning to achieve proper growth and maximum fruiting targets. In these cases, the key word here is control. Likewise, arrangements must be put in place to manage a child at this stage, in areas such as duration of exposure to TV programmes, adhering to meal hours, homework, self-study, play times and so on. These are engineered to instill a sense of discipline in the child, without which chaos will prevail throughout his student days. May our Heavenly Father confer us the wisdom to manage and implement all of the above measures.

Spend More Time Together with the Child as You Guide Him in a Positive Manner

Children these days tend to be hyper-active, and are exposed to more extensive influences from outside than in our own time. The upshot is that they fall more easily to external temptations, such as TV programmes, smartphones and other gadgets that come with screens bursting into zillions of colours.  As such, parents must make it a point to institute proper guidelines to channel them in the right direction.

Fill the minds of our children with good and wholesome materials. We have to spend more contact time with our kids, and know them better through these sessions. At the same time, highlight to them in no uncertain terms as to the dos and don’ts, how’s and wherefores in the context of events of the moment. We are witnessing many parents do this via the negative approach, for example, forbidding their children from doing this or playing with that, leaving very little space for the poor kids to expend their energies or expand their imaginations.  What these parents should be doing is to provide their children with clear guidance on what can be done. Strict adherence to discipline is a matter of primacy here.

Discipline functions in much the same way as barriers on either side of a bridge in providing a safe refuge for the pedestrians crossing the road. No child would feel secure if he has to walk on a bridge without proper measures being installed in the first place. Parents are to provide properly defined delineations for the sake of their children. Discipline, safety zones, rules and regulations etc., are to be implemented for this purpose, including all the dos and don’ts to be strictly observed in their daily routines.

Parents Are to Set Good Examples

The primacy of parents setting a good example cannot be overemphasized, as I have advocated strongly earlier.  This is the most effective means and principle in the process of bringing up a child. There are children who ignore their parents and do everything as they please. Most of these cases has something to do with whether their parents are setting the examples for them to follow. Children learn from their parents as role models, as they mimic them every step of the way. It is not uncommon to see children talk and walk the way their parents do; indeed, they are picking up all of these behaviors from us like a powerful vacuum cleaner by simple acts of imitation, learning and repetition. Hence, this is where wisdom comes in as we play our roles as parents.

Our children are picking up new things every day. Young children have minds that absorb unceasingly like a sponge with whatever comes along their way. Clean or otherwise, these flows are carried along the same channels. Thus, many parents are leaving their marks on their young ones before they reach twelve or even eight years of age in some instances. Some experts claim that by the time a child turns eight years old, the direction of his future, if not his life, is set.  Still, there are others who push this “critical age” back to as early as three years of age. Whatever it is, this “grace period” is said to have been extended by God to man, and we would not want to miss the boat if we wish our children well. For example:

1. What movies can she watch? What about those that we ourselves are watching? There are some movies that adults should not be watching -- at least not when the children are around, so as to shield them from the bad influence.
2. What books are suitable for her? Can we bring her along to bookshops or libraries regularly, and get children’s books for her, and not just toys, shiny gadgets and the like? That will stretch her areas of interest to read and learn from these activities.  
3. What friends should he come into contact with? Can he invite his classmates / friends home for a meal? This will provide you with a window to know who he hangs around with, and guide him on who to mix with more and who to avoid.
4. What values are you inculcating in the child? That money is more important than one’s faith or moral values? How are you showing this? Some parents arrange for their children to attend private classes on Sundays. This is sending them a signal that private classes and school work take precedence over matters of faith. You can arrange to attend private classes after church services, instead of allowing them to replace Sunday school. It boils down to what values we are trying to inculcate in our children.
5. What are the parents’ own life views like? What can the children sense from the way you are living your life, whether you’re an optimist or pessimist? Do you belong to those who hold that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”?
6. Do you bring them along to take part in healthy activities, such as walkathons, visits to old-folks’ homes, attend classes in Sunday school at the church or even take part in short-term missions trips to learn about less-developed places, appreciate the grace of God and show concern over the needs of children in these places?

Dear brothers and sisters, it is our sacred duty as parents to enrich the lives of our children with contents that will do them good.

Follow the Teachings of the Lord

Next, the bible mentions “Teachings of the Lord”. This may be interpreted as (1) God-gifted Truth that will be the contents for leading the children; and (2) the directions that the Lord wants the children to turn towards such as leading children to follow God with His Word. The authority within the Word of God will have a deep impact on them even as It guides them along.

These days, a child is “lost” the moment he whips out his phone as he enters a room; there is no way to control him. The older the parents are, the less their authority becomes. The children’s rights to speak, on the other hand, seems to rise with their age. Only the authority of God has not changed since the beginning of time. So let them look up to God with awe.  In which case, there is no need for us to worry about what the children are up to, no matter where they may be.  Dear brothers and sisters, let us learn the Truth in the bible, so that we can bring up good children in our lifetime. That would be beautiful, indeed.

Someone once penned these words: fifty years from now, it matters little what make of car you are driving, what type of housing you are staying in, how much money you have in your bank account and what type of clothes you are putting on. The only thing that makes you feel how beautiful the world is:  there is a place in my children’s hearts for me. Gospel faith places heavy emphasis when it comes to matters of relationships, and building up of relationships requires care for one another. Such mutual care, in turn, goes back to the right values and love. May our children remember us forever, because we have seeded these precious values and love in their hearts. O, God: May You give us wisdom to do this!

If we can show respect for God and obey His Word and set ourselves as examples, the harvest would be positive results to the children. As shared in these lines:

A child who lives amidst criticisms will learn to be judgmental.

A child who lives amidst hatred will learn to be combative.

A child who lives amidst derision will learn to feel bashful.

A child who lives amidst disgrace will learn to blame himself.

A child who lives amidst tolerance will learn to show endurance.

A child who lives amidst shouts of cheer will learn to be self-confident.

A child who lives amidst praises will learn to be thankful.

A child who lives amidst justice will learn to be fair-minded.

A child who lives amidst safety will learn to be faithful.

A child who lives amidst friendship will learn to be loving.

May our children pick up these nuggets of positive truths from our very own lives.

Vital ingredients of Happy Families

Lastly, can you identify the essential ingredients that are found in happy families from the following verses? Which ingredient do you think is of the highest importance? Can you explain your choice?

1. Honoring your parents（in the books of Exodus chapter 20 verse 12 and Ephesians chapter 6 verse 1）

1. Exodus chapter 20 verse 12 says: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
2. Ephesians chapter 6 verse 1 says: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  

2. Worship Jehovah as your Lord, love Him and serve Him.（from the books of Deuteronomy chapter 6 verse 5 and Joshua chapter 24 verse 15）

1. Deuteronomy chapter 6 verse 5 says: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
2. Joshua chapter 24 verse 15 says: But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

3.  Have good faith and lead your household to the Lord. (from the book of Acts chapter 16 verse 31)

1. Acts chapter 16 verse 31: Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.

 4. Parents should set an example, put the Way of God above all else and bring up the children in His Word.（from the books of Deuteronomy chapter 6 verses 6-7 and Ephesus chapter 6 verse 4）

1. Deuteronomy chapter 6 verses 6-7 say: These commandments that I (Moses) give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
2. Ephesus chapter 6 verse 4 says: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

5. Mutual Respect and Love Between Husband and Wife (from the book of Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 and 25）

1. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 says: Wives -- submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Verse 25 says: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

In other words, the happy family mentioned in the bible comprises all these basic ingredients: filial piety towards one’s parents, loving God and serving Him, the entire family turning to Christ, parents setting examples and using the Word of God to teach the children as well as mutual love between husband and wife. While opinions may differ as to which of these is the most important, all of them are basically necessary, whether it be respecting and honouring one’s parents, reverence, love and service towards God and every family member turning to Christ. As parents, we are to become models, and show love for each other as husband and wife. All of these elements are indispensable in setting up a happy family. May God help us!

Finally, I emphasize that a warm and happy family can only be built up and sustained by prudent use of our time, energy and paying the price in managing and caring for it. This is crucial for us as Christians, as we juggle with the unceasing demands of work and family in a treadmill-like metropolitan environment and hold ourselves fast to God. Take the first step: practice moral cultivation and follow up by governing the family with a view to enabling its members to build up a cohesive and beautiful family life. May the LORD shower His choicest blessings on us!

Let us Pray

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving us a family life. Such an overflowing blessing keeps us from walking the journey in solitude. We have our parents, spouses and children within our midst; may all of them become our pillars of support, our help and blessings! May we, too, become blessings to our parents, children and spouse.  May our life on this earth bear witness and bring glory to you. God, bless our families, in order that our families can bless other families! May our family be able to do that, so that this can bear glory and become a steadfast witness in this imperfect age where things are no longer whole. May you hear our prayers, LORD, in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, Amen!

Recommendations by Rev. Dr Caleb SOO Lee Chong

The three books “The Gospel for the Modern Man”, “Faith of the Modern Believer” and “Values for the Modern Disciple” by Rev. Dr Caleb SOO Lee Chong are worthy books to edify disciples. In order to minimize differences in the qualities amongst Christians, our churches need to set up basic courses to address these issues. In turn, this will enable all disciples to incorporate their faith into their lives and allow changes to take place through renewal of minds. May God make use of these basic courses to edify more disciples to strengthen His soldiers and claim victory on His battle-ground!

The three books “The Gospel for the Modern Man”, “Faith of the Modern Believer” and “Values for the Modern Disciple” are suitable course materials for anyone who wish to acquire understanding of the Christian faith in a more comprehensive manner. The contents are easy to grasp and relate to the real world that we are living in. They are written with an eye for the man-in-the-street and explore how to make our faith come alive in our daily social interactions.

In particular, these are suitable if you  

1. are someone who wants to understand the Christian faith or,

2. are someone who has just accepted the Christian faith or,

3. have been a Christian for many years but still hungering for a firmer grounding in the faith or,

4. are a pastor or co-worker who plans to use these materials for teaching purposes.

If you need to take up learning or use these materials in a systematic manner, please us contact at this email address.：[email protected]