Hello. Welcome back to the programme on Family Matters.

Today we begin looking at what the Bible can teach us about parenting.

A healthy and stable marital relationship provides the best foundation for a happy family life. Psalm 127.3 tells us that children are a blessing from the Lord, and indeed surely nothing compares to the joy of holding our first child. We are convinced that this is the perfect child and we will be the perfect parents! The reality soon becomes rather different, as we battle with sleepless nights and often crying that will not be stilled. Parenting is no easy task, but it is so good to know that as Christians we have this comforting reassurance – God loves our children and we can trust him to help us raise them. We know that they have a perfect Father in God, and that we can bring to him in prayer all our concerns and worries; our mistakes and our questions. We can pray about every decision we take concerning them and their future. We can trust our Heavenly Father to keep them and guide them. When the responsibility of a young life threatens to overwhelm us, we need to learn to lean on God and look to him to give us the strength and wisdom that we need.

The Bible tells us that our children belong not to us, but to God.

God entrusts a child’s care to earthly parents, but they are not ours to own.

In Genesis 22 we read the story of young Isaac, a poignant illustration of the fact that our children belong to God. Isaac is the long-awaited child of a promise made to his father Abraham 25 years before. So it is almost beyond understanding that God should ask Abraham to kill his only son and offer him as a sacrifice. How can Abraham bear the loss? How can he carry out this unthinkable act and end a life that has barely begun? How can God keep his promise to bless Abraham with generations of children beyond counting if he kills his only son? But Abraham is a man of faith and is willing to trust that God has a plan beyond his understanding. Once Abraham has shown that he will do as God asks, the reprieve comes and Isaac is spared. Abraham has shown that he understands his child belongs to God and his destiny is in the hands of the Almighty.

Another child of promise is Samuel. In 1 Samuel 1, we read how his mother Hannah has repeatedly begged God to grant her a child. Recognising that Samuel has been given her by God, she chooses to offer him back to God as a servant in the Temple. God then grants her other children to keep by her side.

In Matthew 19.14, Jesus said that children have a very special place in his kingdom. As Christians, we can trust God to take care of our children. In those times when we find parenting difficult (as inevitably we all do), then we can trust God to take care of his special ones.

I wonder just how many books have been written about the best way to bring up children?

How many of these are in agreement about what parents should and should not do? The more we read, the more confused we threaten to become! Thankfully, Christian parents have the Bible, the only book which does not date and which has stood the test of time. Although there are no easy trite solutions or formulas for a quick fix, sound principles for living are contained in many stories, wise sayings. For the Christian parent, a thorough grounding in the Word of God, read under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit is our best guide to raising happy and healthy children. We can apply its timeless wisdom to our own unique situations and difficulties.

Children are indeed a blessing, but also a big responsibility.

Proverbs 22.6 says: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.

Children watch what parents do, and are quick to copy them. My grandson loves to watch his mother paint and imitates her every movement and expression. The most important way to teach children good attitudes and habits is by living ourselves by God’s standards.

Proverbs has a wealth of advice for the Christian parent.

Many of the proverbs are written as from the mouth of a father to his son. We can do worse than take these words into our own mouths and use them to direct the paths of our children.

Chapter 4 verse 23 tells us to guard their minds.

It is the duty of parents to guard what fills the minds of their children. We can help them choose wholesome and helpful books to read, and monitor carefully what they watch. In these days of so much television and Internet access, it can be a very difficult area to keep under control. Simply forbidding things without explanation is not the best way. Early training in understanding what is good and what is harmful can help them make their own wise choices as they grow up.

Chapter 4 verse 24 says we must tell them to watch their words.

In his book on grandparenting, Bishop Robert Solomon tells of a young boy watching his pastor nailing up a trailing vine. He is clearly fascinated by what he is doing and eventually the pastor asks if he is interested in gardening. No, replies the boy, I am just hoping to find out what a pastor says if he misses the nail and hits his thumb!

Chapter 6 verses 6-8 advise us to encourage them to work hard.

We can help them in their schooldays by taking a keen interest in what they are doing and learning, and help develop a good attitude to work. It is important to have a helpful balance of study and recreation. Too many children fail, not because of lack of intelligence or ability, but because too much pressure causes emotional trauma. We can help and encourage them to find work which is suited to their abilities and temperament and desires, and be careful not to channel them into what we want for them.

Chapter 3 verses 9-10 encourage us to help them manage their money.

It is good from an early age to teach them about budgeting with age-appropriate pocket money. I was given a weekly sum to manage my bus fares to school. If I made the effort to walk when it was possible, then I could keep what I had saved.

Chapter 13 verse 20 advises us to help them choose their friends wisely. We have some control over the places we take them when small. We can introduce them to families with values like our own. At school of course they will meet children who may lead them into areas where they are at risk. If we have established open communication from their earliest years, it can help to be able to talk with them. Again, this is better than forbidding without explanation. If they make mistakes and get into trouble, then we must be there for them, to help them learn from those mistakes.

Chapter 2 verses16-19 and chapter 5 verses 3-5 touch on a very important area of learning as puberty approaches.

That is teaching them to control their lusts. It can be a bewildering time and parents need wisdom in these days of declining celibacy before marriage. Teaching them to abstain goes against the ethos of today and can be very difficult. I remember our own son in early teens spending time with a girl, genuinely studying together for exams. Late one evening, he asked permission to stay on at the girl’s house even although her parents were absent. We asked him to come home, and he was angry that we did not trust him. We tried to explain that although we did trust him, we felt they were opening themselves up to temptation that they might not be able to handle.

The teenage years are an area of difficulty for most families. It is the time to allow some freedom in making their own choices, yet retaining sufficient control to keep them from harm. A good parent will set boundaries for acceptable behaviour, seeing these as being for the child’s wellbeing and good development. The child however may perceive them as restricting and interpret them as denying them freedom. The letting go is hard for parents, but done gradually and sensitively, the bonds can be gradually loosened until the young people are able to be trusted to make their own decisions. Parents will always find it hard to let adult children make decisions they perceive as wrong, but if after discussion, they wish to go their own way, we can only be there for them if indeed things do go wrong.

In Luke 15, Jesus told a story of a young man desperate to escape the confines of home and make his own way in the world. He begged his father to give him the money he would eventually receive as an inheritance. I am sure it was with a heavy heart that the wise father decided to let his son go, even although he no doubt knew his son well enough to know he was not yet ready for such grave responsibility. When things did go badly wrong, the young man remembered his father as a fair and loving man and made his own decision to return home, a sadder and a wiser man.  

Chapter 5 verses15-20 say we need to encourage them to enjoy their spouses.

This may not be so hard in the early days, but once children arrive, troubles arrive with them. Both sets of parents need wisdom in helping them steer through these days of adjustment to being 3 instead of 2.

All these areas assume the need for discipline if we are to help children move from their natural self-centredness to a respect for others and for God.

Please stay tuned with us to have a look next time at what the Bible has to say about discipline.

Questions

Do you find it comforting to believe your children belong to God?

How do you help children develop good attitudes in the face of today’s declining morals and emphasis on self?

Share some experiences of dealing with helping children move towards independence.