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Hello, I’m Elaine Kung. We’re excited to continue our learning on SHINE Your Talk! We gave you a quick introduction last time, and we started with the S - Speak in the SHINE. This brief session is gonna give you a quick overview on the rest of SHINE. So our second topic is H – hear, reflect, CLEANS, RELATE with others’diverse input. And I'll just give you a very brief preview of what the Hear H is about. So we're gonna learn about how you want to speak in such a way that others love to listen to you, and also listen in such a way that others love to speak to you. Isn't that great? That both speaking and listening are welcomed?
So that's what we're gonna communicate in and learn how to communicate in SHINE Your Talk! Remember, communication isn't just about speaking, it has a lot more to do with listening. As in Proverbs 4:23 tells us that above or else guard your heart for everything you do, flows from your heart. So everything starts from your heart. So why is it so difficult to communicate? In fact, public speaking is considered to be the second greatest fear because public speaking communication could be very difficult and challenging. So CLEANS, I created this acrostic to summarize the six challenges for effective communication. C is create self-awareness and others-awareness. We need to listen to ourselves and listen to other people so that we can overcome the challenge of being blind-sighted. And then we want to listen effectively to overcome these challenges, including active listening. Engage with stakeholders, and know who's responsible for what to make sure we interact with them. And adapt to different audiences because every audience, every boss type, every co-worker type could be different and meet them where they are. N is to nurture your message as clear, concise, compelling and with a clear call to action because all the communication have to have a purpose. And the purpose, to achieve it, there may be some call to action or decision so we wanna clearly nurture that message. And then S is to study and evaluate the success of your communication. So CLEANS help us to overcome the challenges, to help make sure we have effective communication. And we continue to learn the RELAETE model, how to share our input with different, diverse audience. And the RELATE stands for reflect, engage, listen, adapt, translate, and evaluate. This is actually a multi-week course, a few months course that I spent a few thousand dollars in the US to learn from MIT. It's a very elaborate model, very powerful especially for work, presentation and meetings to go in-depth in each one of the six and very practical lists of questions and tools for you to have a very persuasive and convincing story when you present your ideas.
Then next, the third main topic is, I - inquire with good questions towards solutions. The 7B, CRISP, GLOW and STEP. Let's look at some examples. CRISP is the foundation of the 7B communication tips. How to inquire good questions. And the CRISP stands for Confidence, courage when we communicate; Resilience, not afraid of mistake, or fall back. Instead of fall backward, we want to fall forward and build resilience and grit; Influence, remember, we talked about leading up, influence is to help others to be the best; Satisfied with joy, that we enjoy our conversation; and P is purpose, a purpose-driven communication. So that's our CRISP. That is the foundation for 7B to help us build the art of 8Q leadership. We’ll explain more what the 8Q leadership is later. The 8Q leadership are these eight quotients, and you can see these 8 quotient spell into listeners across it.
So these 8Q leadership is what I've learned and summarized from my few decades of work and ministry and training and bible study and teaching. I summarized these 8 portions to help us become better listeners, better leaders. And you see these eight quotients and the detailed description of each. And then the communication, effective communication is one of them. And that's what we're gonna focus on in this series, SHINE Your Talk! And what I highlighted in yellow are the same key words that we talked about in CRISP. Remember, purpose, joy, influence, courage, confidence, and resilience. So that's all tied back and reflected on our 8Q leadership. These are the 7B in this session to learn how to begin with the end in mind, read before you speak, be bold, set boundary, be ready to ask questions, be silent and listen, be there, be present to show up.
So these 7B we’ll go into detail with many practical tools, including how to inquire and ask good questions. And then the 4th main session is on nurture, assertive persuasion in conflict resolution using nonviolent communication technique. So conflicts are very common. When you have people, they're bound to have conflict. When you have projects involved, there’s got to be conflict. So it's expected. The most important thing is to realize, if you don't handle the conflict properly, you don't resolve it well, then working together is not worth it. And I suggest that conflict, more times than not, could be good, could be positive, could be helpful. Why? Because when we've conflicts, we learn to be assertive, we learn to care about other people's needs, and we also learn to care about our own needs. And that way we become assertive and the whole SHINE Your Talk! series helps us to build the proper self-confidence, not the self-centered one, but the assertive confidence to speak up.
And in the SHINE Your Talk! series, we learn conflict resolutions, more likely than not, they're helpful, they're healthy if we handle them right. Usually, we think that conflicts are bad. And I suggest that conflicts can be often good because I believe we can enjoy these 3R blessings. Real Christian faith in action is through conflicts that your Christian fate is tested. And your faith really blesses with the bible teaching, with the holy spirit whispering to us and guiding us with people around us, encouraging us and helping us. Our Christian faith really helps us to be wise to address and resolve our conflict. When you have conflict, you really see your faith in action. Second, R is your relationship will build better understanding with each other when you have conflict, because different people have different points of view. It's a good time to learn, to practice active listening, to understand where they're coming from, build better relationship to influence each other to a common team goal, and build better teamwork and be more assertive.
Finally, the third R is results. If you resolve conflict well, you end up with results that's better than your own solution or their solution. It's 1 + 1 greater than three that we can all be our best, achieving the shared vision. So the results will become better. We can solve solution out of the box better, that really encourages us to handle conflict in a positive way.
And then, as we have conflict, we learn how to live like Romans 12:1-2 as a living sacrifice. That we learn how to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. With all the SHINE Your Talk! tools and the biblical teaching. It's not just the head knowledge, we want to make sure it's life transformation that we can test and approve what God's will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will, because we can offer our bodies as living sacrifice, that's Holy and pleasing to God. This is our true and proper worship. So our SHINE Your Talk! series helps us to change, to make change in our communication, in our value, in our relationship, with people, and in our conflict resolution, we’ll be renewed and transformed. And we'll learn to have positive ABC and you'll hear this more in detail, how to change.
And finally, our last main topic is empathy in the ABCDE communication skill and build trusted relationships, and then applying it and building up our ART of 8Q leadership. So these four main sessions: Hear, Inquire, Nurture, and Empathy will be in a future series. And now, this current series of 15 will focus on S - Speak and the overall introduction and background and the stage setting. This final main topic helps understand and go deeper into the ABCDE communication skill. Active listening, body language, character praise, discipline your tongue, and express affirmation. Especially in active listening, you see the listen in the Chinese character as many components, not just the ear, it also has eye, heart and respecting the audience you're talking to and almost treating them like a king.
And also when we have active listening, like in James 1:19 tells us, that we want to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. God gave us 2 ears for a reason. We're gonna listen at least twice as much as we speak. So we will go through all these skills in depth. And that way we’ll prepare and build up to be a good leader. It doesn't matter what title you have. We’re all a leader. If you look at my definition, you know that you are a leader. Ability to influence others to be their best for the greater good, aligned to a share vision.
Last time, we shared briefly on leading up to your boss, that includes how to help your boss to be the best boss that they can be. So same way, you can influence your boss, lead up, you can influence your subordinates, lead down, and you can influence your peers lead across. So you’re a leader, regardless of your position. You can lead your parents, you can lead your professor, you can lead your peers, not to boss them around but to influence them as a servant leader using this 17-word definition. With that definition and the leadership, we want to build this art of 8Q leadership through the communication.
This holistic relationship starts with SQ relationship with God, our relationship with God - Spiritual Quotient. Then our relationship with ourselves, our character - CQ. Our Humility Quotient, HQ. Our relationship with people - Emotional Quotient and Leadership Quotient. And then relationship with projects – Adversity Quotient, Intelligent Quotient and then Transformation Quotient.
So remember to put people before project. These are the 8Q leadership. And through the communication skills that we learn, we can demonstrate these 8Q leadership. So like we said before, these 8Q leadership spell listeners to be good listeners with our 2 ears, and really put these 8Q leadership in practice, as we need effective communication to make these leadership come alive. Because even though you may have good leadership quality, and yet if you don't communicate well, it's not gonna help.
So finally, other than the SHINE Your Talk! across it, I also define SHINE communication value. Remember, your values determine how you communicate. I suggest that we communicate using these SHINE value with high emotional quotient, high EQ. Servanthood, humility, integrity, nurture respect and empathy. So we can live out Matthew 5:16: let your light shine before others that they may see your good deed and glorify your father in heaven. So I have over a thousand students especially during COVID, over 20-some courses and students have summarized how they learned from SHINE Your Talk! in the different courses in improving their confidence and communication. And here’s an example on how they improved on their low self-esteem and their English communication blind spots. We'll share more of these in detail. You see examples.
And finally, another mentee got company training on how to gain entry, understanding, reach agreement and evaluate outcome and integration. Then she realized how all these that she got trained at work, communication is so core and also tie nicely to the 8Q leadership. So I suggest that we think about what you heard today and see how it's beyond your head knowledge and your heart conviction. Put it into your hand practice, application, and make that application a habit time and time again, and what to start, stop, do more and do less. Thank you. See you next time.
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