Today is the last episode of the story of Francis and Dorothy. Last week, we heard how they moved into their new home and Dorothy was thinking to put up their wedding portrait to make their cosy apartment perfect. Francis told her that Julie had destroyed it; Dorothy was not saddened by it.

“We can take new pictures! We can take a whole new album!” Dorothy, unlike her old self, shrugged off the matter because what was a missing wedding portrait compared to a new and improved husband? 

Their wedding anniversary came around a few months later and Francis announced mysteriously, “Tomorrow, get ready a nice gown. It must be really formal.” When she tried to tease out more information, he played hard to get. Dorothy luxuriated in this new and exciting relationship.

The next day, Francis unveiled his secret plan - he had selected and signed up for a makeover and photo-shoot package. By nature, Francis is a romantic and creative person.  Dorothy, on the other hand, is quiet and cost-conscious, and stingy with praise. However, from the marriage course she learnt that she needed to affirm Francis and show her appreciation. So, she participated in the photo-shoot wholeheartedly to demonstrate her support for his idea and his elaborate arrangement. She testified, “Actually, I really enjoyed myself!” Dorothy felt that Francis is now more tender, takes time to talk with and to understand her, loves her and Benjamin utterly and totally. 

However, the old adage is true that one can forgive but it is harder to forget. It was a long and perilous process for her to learn to trust Francis again. But she saw his transformation was deep and sincere. Francis applied himself to the marriage course homework diligently, like a student studying for examinations. He thought through the lessons, internalised them and made them his own. He became the driving force of change in their new marriage. He would come home bursting with ideas every few days and sometimes, Dorothy could not catch up with him.

Both re-modelled their lives and shared in their book the following five principles which may help us in our own lives.

Develop a one-flesh relationship: Francis and Dorothy make joint decisions by consulting each other and listening to each other’s opinions. They affirm each other and build each other  up. For example, when Francis and Dorothy first began facilitating at marriage classes, Francis encouraged Dorothy to try when she had no confidence in herself. Similarly, when Dorothy stops being negative and sceptical towards Francis, she sees him stretching for goals and achieving them.

Be accountable to each other: Francis encourages Dorothy to telephone him whenever he is away on business. Although he has no more interest in the nightclub scene, he says her calls protect him from getting wayward ideas and mixing with the wrong people. They pray for each other.

Be transparent with each other: Though they may disagree on certain subjects, Dorothy is determined not to bow down to Francis just to keep the peace at home. Francis sees the tremendous effort she puts in and he tries to be patient in drawing opinions out of her. She is more confident to speak up and more willing to ask for help and Francis responds by helping her. There are times when they still hurt and disappoint each other but they have stopped sweeping things under the carpet. They speak up and forgive each other.

They also opened a joint bank account. In the past, they kept separate bank accounts due to mistrust. But a joint account encourages them to be accountable and to communicate and consult each other about major spending.

Be each other’s playmates: They enjoy each other’s company and create new memories together during holidays abroad.

Take time to speak each other’s language of love: As Christians, we need to guard against the world’s devices that distract us from God and our loved ones. Francis has moved away from former acquaintances who drew him away from God and family but now, they both befriend people who share the same reverence for marriage.

Manage expectations from each other: They request changes from each other but do not force each other to conform if they cannot change or if they need time to change. They share dreams and struggles with each other. Now, they lead interdependent lives instead of independent lives.

One of the changes which Dorothy did not dare to dream of, is the renewed relationship between Francis and her parents. But now, Francis thinks of them and with excitement, looks out for opportunities to buy them gifts. 

Francis and Dorothy are now facilitating marriage classes together. As they prepare lessons, they are constantly reminded of marriage principles and this strengthens their bond further.  She added, “I have never felt so liberated in my marriage as I have felt these last five years.  I have never laughed as much. I do not have to study his face to ‘check the weather’, whether it’s going to be a stormy or a calm day. I feel I can truly be who I am. I’ve a wonderful time whenever I am with Francis because I’ve a new freedom to talk about anything and to share my day with him, no matter how trivial the details.”

Sexual intimacy required much time for both of them. Francis wrestled with guilt about his sexual sins whereas Dorothy still had the STD scare. She also wondered if he compared her with his young lovers in many aspects. Then one day, Dorothy remembered those scraps of evidence of his girlfriends that she collected and had not thrown away. She had no idea why she was still keeping them. So, she gathered them together and threw them into the garbage as a symbolic act of her resolve to remove all those ‘ghosts’ from her marriage.  Dorothy recalled that was a very healing act because it helped her to finally stop comparing herself with his ex-girlfriends.

When physical intimacy finally happened, it happened naturally. The key to it all was love.

In retrospect, Francis is happy since Dorothy came back to him the past few years. 

“There is so much joy and comfort in having each other in this life journey. Not only on those occasions when we are down, but equally important are the simple things in life. Like having a soul mate to talk to just before entering slumberland or a quiet evening sharing the choicest take-away hawker fare. We have not taken for granted that this bliss will continue indefinitely. However, we have taken the approach to continue to build on the foundations that we have laid.”

Francis finally came to understand that the problems faced in marriage are actually the result of two persons bringing their own problems into the marriage. He further explained that a marriage can become the flash point, catalyst and culmination for the manifestation of the problems of two individuals.

“Will I fall again?” Francis asked himself. As long as he diligently guards and builds upon the new set of beliefs and values while he is still learning and equipping himself, he is less likely to fall. He has been touched by God in the most intimate way. Francis confirmed that he would rather have His way.

For Dorothy, she was once emotionally very dependent on Francis. She mentioned before that if she left Francis or if Francis left her, her world would collapse. But God is good for He works things out for her. Psalm 18:32 says, “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure”. After much trials and temptations, the relationship between Francis and her got stronger than before. When trials persist, God wants us to grow, trusting Him wholeheartedly.

The gift of music is God’s blessing to Dorothy. She had written music since young but never wrote lyrics because she felt her command of language was not strong. However, she was overwhelmed by God’s perseverance in working on their marriage even though at times she had given up.  She said, “I just had to express my gratitude to Him”. 

“When my wife was going through so much difficulties and she could not see the light, she penned a song that comforted her. And we would like to share this song with you.”

Song in the Night

Music by Dorothy Ew

Lyrics adapted from Streams in the Desert

Verse 1

Is the midnight closing around you?

Are shadows dark and long?

Ask Him to come close beside you

He’ll give you a new sweet song

He’ll give it and sing it with you

When weakness slows you down

He’ll take up the broken cadence

And blend it with His own

Chorus

In the dark night, He’s the author

He’s writing your song

In the valley, in the storm

He is tuning your voice

In the rain, in the cold

He is sweetening your melody

As you pass from fear to hope

He’s perfecting your song

Verse 2

And many a heavenly singer

Among those sons of light

Will say of his sweetest music

“I learnt it in the night”

And many a lovely anthem

That fills the Father’s home

Cried out its first rehearsal

In the shade of a darkened room