Dear All, my name is Tan Kang Fun but I am better known as KF Tan in the market place. I am currently the CEO of a health trust company in Singapore. I started my career as an auditor with one of the Big 4 firms before I joined a chemical company back in 1990. In year 2000, I moved to a high performance material manufacturing plant where I was the Managing Director. Before my present position, I was with healthcare companies where I had different roles at different point in time as the CPO, CFO and COO.

I would like to share how the trial that I was going through brings me to the point I need to totally depend on God. Back in the 1980’s, we talked about having the 5 C’s to be successful. I have a career that is going well. I have condos, I have cars, I have credit cards, cash and club memberships. These are the 5 C’s people talked about and want to achieve back in the 1980’s. I have all these but what can it do for me when I am stricken with stage 4 lung cancer? Medically, it’s a terminal disease. None of these can buy me the health that I want. I want to be immediately free from cancer. Can it be done? Of course, not! It is scary isn’t it? However, I just want to qualify here that if it is God’s will for me to be healed then it is a big YES! I have everything going so well and boom came the bad news. The cancer affected my life and, not forgetting, my family too. My active sports life ground to immediate halt! My wife and I love hiking, cycling and playing badminton regularly have come to a sudden stop. Our healthy eating habits also got affected. It has become even healthier! Praise God! We ended up eating more greens and less meat (or for me no meat now except fish). The life that God blessed me with all these years suddenly changed and everybody in my family needs to make adjustment to accommodate me. Just imagine, everything was going so well and then an illness disrupts whatever I have.   

Question now is how did I react to the affliction? I am at the point of crisis of belief. I can choose to trust and depend on God or I can say “All the best to you God. I am not trusting you. I am going to trust myself.” As Christian, it is so crucial for us to make the right decision when we come to the crossroad – to believe or not to believe God? Thank God I chose the former. God has promised us in Job 23:10 “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as Gold.” This verse is so reassuring that God will be with us to go through trials. We are not alone! God has allowed the trial to be in my life and He has also assured me that He will walk the path with me and when I am molded, I will become a better Christian.

My first victory in this trial is that I accept I have cancer from the onset. I believe because of my acceptance of this affliction, God grants me the peace as I walk through the trial and I don’t feel bitter about it and I have not questioned God why I have cancer. I remember when the doctor broke the news to my wife and I, we were calm and was at peace with God. I told the doctor that we have committed everything to God. The doctor not seeing any emotion from us then said “I wish I have faith like you in accepting the news.” This is likened to my child-like faith that Jesus talked about in Matthew 18:3 “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” This has actually strengthened me in facing the trial. Little children are open to God. They naturally and readily believe in Him without any question asked. This is what I meant by child-like faith. Second is that I believe in the truth of the Bible. Job 1:21 says that ”Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there, The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” The Bible tells us that God giveth and taketh away life. If this is so, who am I to question His sovereignty? In this regard I will accept early entrance to heaven if God so decide to take me home now. Of course, I plead with God to heal me and extend my life as I am still young and have many more years to serve the Lord.

How my illness unraveled day-by-day from 1^st October 2012 is something will stay with me for the rest of my life. It was also a time that I depended on God from day one without question. In all the tests and procedures I went through, I was at peace and could feel God’s presence. Let me just share with you on how I was diagnosed with cancer in the first week of October 2012.

1^st Oct – nagging cough and went for X-ray;

2^nd Oct – CT-Scan but tumor was smooth;

3^rd Oct – CT Guided Biopsy Procedure;

4^th Oct – results out and confirmed I have cancer (Stage 3a to 3b);

5^th Oct – PET-CT Scan and brain MRI confirmed its Stage 4 with tumor in brain;

6^th Oct – Gamma Knife Radiosurgery procedure;

7^th Oct – Praise God I was in church;

9^th Oct – Chemotherapy.

So, how can we have total dependence on God?

(1). Be On Guard, When You Are At Your Lows

There were 2 consecutive nights, after my first chemo, that I had spiritual attacks. You know chemo has many side effects like feeling bloated, constipation, no appetite, feeling nausea and vomiting, irregular sleeping pattern, feeling tired and many more. When one has to endure all these, you are really at your lows. This happened during the first 10-12 days post chemo. You feel lousy, frustrated, think of your illness, feeling tired, don’t feel like talking, mind may not be thinking straight even though you try as much as possible to draw near to God through prayers and reading His word. It is during these times that the devil wants to seize the opportunity to attack you.

The devil especially looking out for Christians who are down and out to attack/devour. Job 1:7(a) confirms that Satan “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.” Satan was roaming through and walking back and forth on the earth, apparently looking for those whom he could accuse and dominate. This is confirmed by 2 Peter 5:18 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” Satan’s going on the earth may also suggest his exercising dominion over it. It is important we must recognize that Satan, of course, is “the god of this age” (2 Corinthians 4:4) and “the whole world is under the control of the evil one” (1 John 5:19). However, one assurance we receive from God is that Satan cannot touch us unless God allows it (Job 1:12).

Going back to my story, on the first night, I felt the oppression where somebody with black face was holding my arms down very hard and I could not move, breathe or shout. Finally, I could shout Jesus’ name and said “In Jesus name, away you Satan”. Immediately the oppression was lifted. Within the next few minutes, I felt somebody was tapping my hand and when I opened my eyes, I saw a dark shadow and a crow was pecking. Again I said “In Jesus name, away you Satan”. Thereafter, I slept through the night. Just want to thank God that in my darkest moments, God is there upholding me. The following night I had another dream. In my dream I had 2 devilish looking women in white with red eyes, and white haired too, came into my room in hospital wanting to take me away. Sensing this is a bit unusual, I resisted and immediately said “In Jesus name, away you Satan” and then I was woken by my shout of Jesus’ name.

One lesson I learned from this trial is that we must be alert and hold on to our faith of our Lord Jesus Christ. If we know the truth, the truth will set us free.  As 1John 4:4 says “…..He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” This verse clearly assures us that we have the Holy Spirit with us to protect us against the evil ones. God is telling us that I am greater than anybody else. If that is so, why worry?  We have God on our side. If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). We can put this down as a bedrock truth. God will never allow any action against you that is not in accordance with His will. And His will is always directed to our good. Another verse to reassure us that our body is the residence of the Holy Spirit is 1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?” This demonstrates we can depend on God when Satan attacks. To do that, you must first have hidden His word in your heart so that you can use against the evil one (Psalm 119:11). In a Christian walk, there is no short cut. You need to study His word and memorized them. When time comes to use God’s word, you can unleash them and see how it comes to life to uphold you and then you’ll say I can depend on You, O Lord! To be continued………Part 2.

1. Why is it important to acknowledge/accept one is going through trial?
2. Why you need to be on guard when you are in the midst of trial?
3. How can I overcome trials?