A Father Provides Security. In this second part, I will elaborate further on the kind of atmosphere we bring home. ‘The World Needs A Father’ movement is about bringing heaven home. The natural question is therefore, is our home a reflection of heaven, or is it hell on earth? Now this may sound funny to you, but the question is a serious one.

The litmus test of whether our home is a safe place is how our children feel about daddy coming home. Do we come home with a happy smile or a tired and haggled look? Or do we give off angry vibes? Now let me tell you my own experience. When my children were much younger, they would sometimes tell my wife this, “I want baba to come home early!” That is whenever I have to work late. Well that surely warms my heart, because it's speaks about their desire to see me for my company, for my hugs, for my silly play with them. However, it wasn't the same when I was growing up. As a young boy, I remember that I will be kept awake, waiting for in fear for my father to come home. If he was back early, I will somehow be relieved. On the other hand, if he came home late, I will be trembling with fear. Why? Because I know all hell will break loose, because my father most certainly be coming home drunk and things will turn ugly.

Martin Luther King one say, as leaders, we need to be a thermostat and not a thermometer. Now, what did he mean by that?

We first need to know the difference between the thermostat and the thermometer. The thermometer measures the temperature. In contrast a thermostat sets the temperature, very much like how the remote control of the air conditioner sets the temperature of the room. If it is too warm or too cold, we simply adjust the temperature accordingly.

Now too often, mothers are the one who set emotional temperature in the house, more frequently than fathers. Daniel Goleman, in his book ‘The New Leader’, said “The leader is the most dominant ingredient in the emotional soup.” If fathers are leaders in our household, then we do have the responsibility to become the most dominant ingredient in the home atmosphere. We must provide an emotionally secure home environment where our children can feel safe, relaxed, have fun and live open lives.

Like it or not the energy and the vibes that father display have great influence on the people around us. Following from this reasoning, the negative behaviours of father, whether our temper outbursts, our disapproving looks, our passive withdrawal or our emotional coldness are often the reason why the brain-body system is not optimized for successful performance. Now, this bring me to the concept resonance.

Research has shown that leaders create resonance in the team of followers that they lead. The tone that leaders set become the resonating tone among those who follow them. Do you know that between 50 to 70 % of how employees perceived the organizations, climate is determined by the emotional tone that leaders set. That would mean that leader is the group's emotional guide, driving the collective emotion of the group through resonance. Just like how Charlie Brown, the boy in this picture, who showers love to his pet dog, Snoopy. Likewise, Snoopy learned how to shower his love for his good friend Woodstock. The energy, the good energy just goes round and round. The emotion that people feel either groom the group together, or it can make the group fall apart. Imagine people who work together in a toxic environment with a demanding and critical boss where no effort is ever good enough. Now this environment create the deadly cocktail of distrust, discord and disharmony within the team. Surely unhappy employees will affect the overall performance of their organization.

So in summary, great leaders sets the emotional climate. If we want to be good fathers, we must also be great leaders in our homes. We must remind ourselves to be the thermostat in setting the right emotional temperature in our family. Unfortunately, most fathers don't realize the importance of this. Without intentionally, our homes may become an unpleasant place of discomfort, anxieties and, sadness. Instead, with intentional effort, we can turn our homes into a happy hormone factory that can be a joy to live in.

Sit back and relax and watch this short video with me.

Did you smile or did you laugh as you watched this? I sure did. Even though we don't know what the characters are laughing about. You know, laughter is contagious. The saying that laughter is the best medicine is not without its reason, it’s very much grounded in neuroscience studies. Do you know that there is a secret recipe to serving happy hormone cocktail at home?

Father's emotional state directly affects our children. At least five hormone secretion are affected. Let me take you through them briefly.

Do you know that there are mirror neurons in our brain that play a major part in determining the emotional climate? When I see you smiling, my mirror neurons for smiling fire up as well. Father can nurture an environment that is conducive for the secretion of the happiness cocktail comprising of oxytocin, which is simply the love hormone, dopamine – the treasure hormone, and serotonin – the mood stabilizer.

The love hormone creates feelings of contentment, calmness, and security. It is secreted through physical touch and inspiring works. From time to time, I will give my children a good tight squeeze and whisper gently into their ears, “You are my precious child, with whom I'm well pleased.” Sometimes my son will respond by saying, “you are my father with whom I'm well pleased too.” Such warm, fuzzy feelings! The pleasure hormone is linked to reward motivated behaviour, constant affirmation and celebration of our children for who they are builds up higher levels of dopamine. This in turn stimulate their creative thinking. The third hormone, the mood stabilizer is secreted when we focus on positive things, which helps to reduce anxiety. You know once in a while my wife and I will encourage everyone to say appreciative and affirmative things to each other. You must see how our two children will always pay attention to what each one of us had to say about them. A smile will light up on their face when each affirmation is being given to them. Well they’re so pleased to be served the happy hormone cocktail.

Finally, the two remaining hormones are the immunoglobulin or IgA in short. This hormone plays a big role in immunization against sickness. Do you know that when you are negative or angry for just more than 5 minutes, your body stopped to secret IgA and you are prone to illness. Perhaps the bible has health benefits in mind, when it encourages us not to let the sun goes down on our anger. On the other hand, the excess secretion of cortisol, the stress hormone, also weakens our immunity, making us feeling tired easily, and it impairs our judgement and our concentration. Do you want this unhealthy situation for yourself or your family? I am sure, not.

So as we conclude Part 2, these are some food for thought. Firstly, what is the dominant emotion we find ourselves often displaying in our home? Do we laugh often? Are we easily upset? Or simply emotionally distant? Secondly, how do you think your children or your wife feel about you coming home at the end of the day? I will see you soon in Part 3. For now, thank you for listening in.