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Episode 7: What Defines You
I am glad to be back for another episode on the theme “Bloom Where You Are Planted”. Today, I want to touch on the issue: “What defines You”. What defines you will have a serious bearing on your outlook to work and the way you work. Let me begin by asking:
Those obsessed with them are often in a rat race, trying to get ahead of others.
To succeed and get ahead, you have to compete, intimidate, coerce, seduce and do whatever it takes to achieve your end. As one author puts it: “At the beginning of creation, work may have started out in a garden. But in our generation, it has ended up in a jungle.”
And accumulating wealth can become an addiction and a never-ending quest to be better off than another.
So - How does one prevent being defined by success or wealth?
The key is to have a changed perspective of what true success or wealth means. This can be an antidote against being success-driven or wealth-driven.
It is important to have the perspective that both success and wealth are temporary and of diminishing return in terms of satisfaction. You cannot bring success or wealth into the next world when you die. And no one will remember you over time for your success or wealth.
Another changed perspectives is the need to learn contentment. You need to pitch for a level of contentment that will not cause you to envy or compare with others. Contentment enables you to dwell more on things above that matter for eternity. It ensures that you always harbour a grateful heart for what you already have rather than constantly coveting what others possess. 1 Timothy 6:6 reminds us: “But godliness with contentment is great gain”.
There is also a need to refocus our priority. We should strive for having godly values. We should strive for faithfulness to the Lord and the work He has entrusted us. The relevant questions should be: Are you faithful to his calling in the workplace? Do you see yourself there as being on mission with God? Do you bloom where he has planted you? Will you hear him say: “Well done good and faithful servant”?
Therefore, do not let success or wealth in the world (or workplace) define you. Let what you do for God and what he credits to you as righteousness and faithfulness, define you instead.
Fred Mitchell, a leader in world missions, used to keep a motto on his desk that reads: “Beware of the Barrenness of a Busy Life”.
When you are “busy like mad” in the workplace, you put your soul at risk. It leaves no room for God to work as you feel you have to be in charge. It also shrivels your ability to go deep with God. Over time, your spiritual life becomes parched and dry.
Busyness can also affect you emotionally. As Kevin DeYoung puts it: “When our lives are frantic and frenzied, we are more prone to anxiety, resentment, impatience, and irritability.”
On the physical front, busyness often deprives us of sleep. But adequate sleep is necessary for replenishing our energy and health, including emotional and mental health. Prolonged lack of sleep is proven to cause many undesirable physical, emotional and mental conditions.
The Psalmist gives this good reminder in Psalm 127:1-2 -
Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves. (unquote)
The remedy for busyness includes:
1. The need to prioritize. There must be that dogged determination to let go of something in order to gain something else, including restoring your health and quality of life.
2. The need to go for quality. There is a diminishing return in terms of quality and efficiency when we overwork. Here is where less is more.
3. The need to have a changed attitude. For instance, there is a need to moderate any compulsion for perfection. There is a need to avoid trying to appear important through being busy. There is a need to avoid meeting every expectation of your superior or to please them.
The desire to stay connected on social media can be another cause for busyness. As it is such a perennial problem, it deserves a section on its own. To some, this may be a form of bondage. The insatiable appetite to be plugged-in becomes a real threat of addiction. Worse still, when the incessant need to stay connected defines you.
This constant battle to stay connected is obviously relevant to those in the workplace because it means the 9/5 window soon becomes 24/7. When the term “the city never sleeps” is used, it may well imply the “man of the workplace” never sleeps.
Ironically, the desire to be always connected loses its effectiveness when the connections become superficial. For instance, on Facebook, placing a Like, a smiley, or brief remarks to acknowledge that a piece of information has been eyeballed is often not an expression of real interest or any sense of intimacy.
If you are not careful, you may think you are defined by how many Likes or responses you give or get.
Question - How does one mitigate the obsession to stay connected on social media?
Here are some remedies suggested by DeYoung. I paraphrase:
1. Set boundaries and protect them! For instance, stop taking your phone to bed. Do not check Facebook or WhatsApp in church, minimise texting during mealtimes (to ask you to stop may not work!), move away from the screen every other hour when in the office or at home, and stop checking your phone first thing every day. Quickly exit every chat group that has served its purpose.
2. Refuse to believe that you can have meaningful relationships with thousands of people by the push of the keypad or button. The biggest deception of our digital age may be the lie that we can be omni-competent, omni-informed and omni-present. The sooner we accept this reality, the sooner we can be free. Remember, high tech cannot replace high touch.
If success, wealth and work can define you, so can failures in the workplace.
The good moral lesson is this — learn to accept failures or your narrative could be tragic.
How does one prevent being defined by failures?
Failures are not necessarily bad. There is a host of wisdom out there to help you change your perspective. It is important to separate the failure from your identity. Just because you have not found a successful way does not make you a failure. For every person who has never experienced failure, there are many successful people who have refused to allow their multiple failures to define them.
Consider Thomas Edison: He was partially deaf at four years old. One day, he came home with a note from his teacher that read: “Your Tommy is too stupid to learn. We cannot have him at our school.” His mother decided to teach him herself. He eventually became a brilliant scientist who will always be remembered for the invention of the light bulb although he had hundreds of patents under his name.
He later remarked: “I have not failed 10,000 times — I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
He also said: “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
The secret of his success? He did not allow his handicap or his failures to define him!
Susan Tardarnico commented:
Obsessing over your failure will not change the outcome. In fact, it will only intensify the outcome, trapping you in an emotional doom-loop that disables you from moving on. You cannot change the past, but you can shape your future.
The faster you take a positive step forward, the quicker you can leave these debilitating, monopolizing thoughts behind.
Therefore, do not let failures define you negatively. This is certainly true for those in the workplace.
How you handle your mistakes and failures will determine if you become bitter or better. Therefore, accepting failures with a positive perspective will, ironically, ensure you live a successful and victorious life!
How you define yourself is a choice. That choice determines your priorities, your outlook and where you put your faith. Resist the temptation of being defined by your physical, social, economic or cultural background.
Anything attained on earth will turn into vanities. Moreover, once you achieve what you looked for, its satisfaction will elude you.
In the workplace, it is important to be reminded you are called to be before you are called to do. You are primarily called to be a follower of Christ and to grow to become more like him. Therefore, you are a disciple of Jesus, an ambassador for him on earth, a child of God and an heir of his kingdom. This should be what defines you and me.
1. You become what defines you. Do you agree? Discuss.
2. What do you deem to be success symbols in the workplace? Discuss the areas where you may be tempted and how you can take steps to overcome them.
3. What do you think are the possible causes of workaholism? How do you prevent work from defining you?
4. How do you overcome the stigma of failures and turn them into opportunities?