Hello everyone. Welcome back to the programme on Family Matters.

Last time, we recognised that as believers, we are part of a new family, the family in which God is our father and all believers are brothers and sisters in Christ. It is inevitably the case that as in our birth families we go through difficulties. This is no new thing. Most of Paul’s letters were prompted by problems that different churches were experiencing. His attempts to help them still offer sound advice for us today.

How do we deal with differences which lead to quarrels?

Immediately after greeting the church in Corinth, Paul appeals to the members to stop quarrelling among themselves. It had been brought to his attention that factions had arisen in the church resulting in disagreement among the members. Chapter 1, verse 12 tells us that they had been comparing different church leaders and arguing over who was the best teacher and mentor. Some preferred the emphasis given by Paul, others preferred the teaching of Apollos and yet another claimed to be following Jesus – inferring the others were not! Paul chastised them for this infighting and urged them to agree together. In chapter 3, he explains that each one has his own unique contribution to make, just like farmers who plant or water seeds. Each is important, but ultimately the growth depends on God alone. So it is with the seeds of the gospel sown. Each of us does our bit, but God alone is our head and leader.

In his letter to the Philippians, a church for whom Paul has much praise, he urges them in chapter 2 verses 1 and 2 to strive for unity. In his final greetings, he mentions a specific problem obviously causing division among the members. He issues a heartfelt plea to two women to stop quarrelling. We don’t know what the trouble between Euodia and Syntyche was, but we do know from the short reference to them that both had worked hard at Paul’s side in the work of spreading the gospel in the city of Philippi. Acts 16:11–15 tells us the church there evolved from a group of women who met by the side of a river for prayer. Lydia was the leader. It is possible that both Euodia and Syntiche were among these early believers and therefore could have been founder members of the church. Perhaps it was a matter of rivalry or jealousy, so common still in our churches today. No doubt both were firmly convinced they were in the right and no doubt others in the church were taking sides, so that what begins with two people can soon become a matter causing a fellowship to split. It was obviously a very serious problem as somehow Paul, even though he was in prison had heard about it.

Euodia and Syntyche needed to be “of the same mind in the Lord,” and the other church members were to do all that was necessary to heal the breach. Paul not only urges the 2 women to resolve their differences, but pleaded with the other members of the church to help them. Earlier in his letter, he had written: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

Jesus shows us the way

Our fellowships today can adopt the attitude of humility patterned for us in Jesus’ willingness to die on the Cross for us. If everyone is at least willing to listen with an open mind to those who think differently to us on a certain issue, we can be halfway to finding a solution which will restore harmony.

It can be a difficult problem for the church to address, but I heard of one pastor who found a solution. He had tried in vain to get 2 men to come together to talk about their deeply held differing beliefs. They simply refused to agree to be together in the same room. Finally, the pastor invited each of them, unknown to the other to meet at a certain time. Although initially reluctant, neither man felt able to refuse the pastor’s request that they all pray together. As each man brought his grievance to God, the work of the Holy Spirit helped melt the hardness of their attitude and the process of healing and reconciliation was able to begin. Prayer is one of the most effective ways of addressing the inevitable problems that will arise in the family of our fellowships.

Different ways to serve

Sometimes how we interpret the best way to serve can cause resentment. During Jesus’ ministry, it seems he frequently found a welcome in the home of Martha and Mary. Both sisters wanted to do what they could for him Like many women, Martha bustled about in the kitchen, making sure there was something for Jesus to eat and drink, her way of showing love through hospitality. Mary on the other hand clearly relished every moment of listening to Jesus’ teaching and gladly abandoned everything to sit at his feet and listen. Martha expressed her frustration that Mary was not doing her bit. Although no doubt Jesus appreciated a bit of food and drink, he chided Martha for her priorities. Such issues are often a source of friction in our churches, where some spend more time on the provision of earthly comforts to the detriment of time spent in study. Some will criticise others as being too heavenly minded to be of any earthly use. Equally those overly concerned with practicalities may miss out on spiritual experiences.

Different temperaments; different areas of gifting.

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul likens the church to the human body, in which even the smallest part is important. Only when my uncle lost his two smallest toes in an accident did he realise how vital they were to balance. Only when every part of our fellowship contributes to its running will the whole function efficiently.

The fact that Paul addresses this directly in at least 3 of his letters would indicate that it was an issue frequently faced in the first century churches. In many of his letters, Paul makes it clear that through his Spirit God gives each of us different gifts. He is equally clear that every one of them is important, and that all are necessary for a fellowship to function harmoniously. 1 Corinthians 12.21-23

At the beginning of his ministry, Jesus chose 12 men who were hardly natural bedfellows. The 4 fishermen were probably friends who had a lot in common, but the pushy mother of James and John who wanted special status for her sons hints at rivalry. Matthew was a tax collector who collaberated with the Romans and was a natural enemy of the other Jews. Simon the Zealot was a member of a radical political party who must have struggled with Jesus’ idea of the kingdom he planned. His disciples criticised him for tolerating the noisy children. The religious leaders criticised him for associating with people they despised for their work or lifestyle. The fact that the family of God is made up of people of very different personalities and temperaments may lead to friction, but diversity is also a source of enrichment.

Variety in the people who make up a fellowship can be a blessing when differing, styles, viewpoints, manners, work harmoniously together.

How can we ensure a pleasing harmony in our fellowships?

In Ephesians 2.19, 20 Paul describes God’s house as made up of unlikely and unconnected people, held together by Jesus whom he describes as the chief cornerstone or capstone. This capstone is the vital key.

In Scotland, it is common to see drystone dykes or walls surrounding a field. The wall is made up of individual stones of all shapes and sizes. An ancient craft, dating back hundreds of years, it takes a master craftsman with great skill and experience to choose the stones and place them carefully, so that the wall is not only pleasing to the eye, but also stable and able to withstand the elements. Each stone has a unique place and is vital to the whole structure. Removing even one stone could cause the whole wall to fall down!

In chapter 2 of his first letter, Peter describes the members of God’s kingdom as “living stones…. being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood” (1 Peter 2:4-5) God is the skilled architect who is building his kingdom on earth.

The surprising thing about drystone dykes is that no cement or binding agent of any kind is used. The secret of its stability is the final layer on the top of the wall. This consists of large stones, called capstones, which span the entire width of the wall and prevent it breaking apart. With the capstone in place, the structure can withstand the strongest gales.

God wants to build a people with the power to show the world his glory. When we allow Jesus his rightful place as chief capstone, our fellowship will be united in harmony and strong enough to withstand any storm.

Not only do rifts affect members of the church, it can also affect our witness to those outside. In the earliest fellowship group in Acts 2, their love and concern for one another was a powerful means of bringing more people into the church. Conversely, quarrelling and strife is the best way to put people off from finding out more.

Jesus’ teaching made it clear that no-one was excluded from his kingdom because of background or status. Paul writes in Galatians 3.28  that everyone is welcome  in God’s Kingdom. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 

God is building his kingdom with an  amazing variety of people of different shapes and sizes; nationalities, personalities.

In the next session, I want to introduce the key to harmony in both families and fellowships - the importance of learning to forgive and accept forgiveness.

Questions

Share some ways your fellowship has dealt with disagreements.

How do we learn to find harmony in situations where people have different views of what our priorities should be?

Explore ways we can help shyer people contribute to the work of our fellowship.