Hello. Welcome back to the programme on Family Matters.

Passing Down the Generations

Today we will think about how a family’s history can affect the present.

One of the first things people will often say when admiring a new born baby is doesn’t he/she look like Mum, or like Dad. As children grow, it is common to hear grandparents say – oh, you’re just like your father, or doesn’t she remind you of her mother at that age.

As well as physical likenesses, character traits can also be passed down the generations, some good, some perhaps not so good. Our parents and grandparents influence us and help form our way of thinking and behaving.

The great King David is a good example of someone who lost his way and began a series of actions that had their effect on succeeding generations of his family. David was a great warrior king and influential leader, but he was let down by his corrupt morals. Having committed adultery and murder, he was confronted by the prophet Nathan and confessed his sin to God. As many of the psalms demonstrate, he experienced real and lasting forgiveness. But there is no doubt that what had happened affected his sons and their sons after them. Solomon, although wise and, like his father, a good leader was also weak in the area of sexual desire and parental discipline. His son Rehoboam was weak and as a result, the kingdom was split in two. The whole book of Kings charts its downward spiral, eventually leading to exile for both kingdoms.

Ahaziah was one of a long line of Kings of Israel who followed the evil ways of his ancestors

However, both Hezekiah whose story is found in 2 Kings 18, and Josiah in 2 Kings 22 are said to have done what was right in God’s sight, just as their forefather David had done. They were good kings, blessed by God in their reign.

History shows that each king had a choice - to follow what was good in their ancestors, or what was bad.

It can be helpful for us to examine our own family roots and inheritance.

The struggle between good and evil goes back to the Garden of Eden.

Satan gave Eve and then Adam the choice to obey God, or to follow selfish ambition. Adam and Eve not only suffered themselves, but left a legacy to humankind. The apostle Paul acknowledged this struggle in himself. Despite knowing God’s salvation and the power of the Holy Spirit in his life, his human nature continued to lead him astray. He says in Romans 7.18,19: For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

I am sure all of us know this battle in our own lives. We struggle with impure thoughts; with the desire to do something we know to be wrong. Although this

struggle is universal and has much to do with the wiles of the devil, it may be helpful to examine our family roots and the inheritance of family traits. Patterns of behaviour may be taught, and they may be unconsciously absorbed.  

We can look at the legacy that has come from our own families.

We can gain an understanding of the past events that may now influence the present. One helpful way of identifying the sources of problems in families is to help a family draw their family tree and then examine patterns in relationships and behaviour which may be affecting them in the present.

If we do this with the family of Jacob in the Old Testament, we can trace patterns back to his grandfather Abraham and his father Isaac. First, their choosing of marriage partners. Abraham was anxious that his son Isaac did not marry a woman from among the Canaanite inhabitants of the country where they were living. He sent Isaac back to his home country to find a wife from among their relatives. Although Jacob found himself in Ur for different reasons, he too chose a wife from the same family connections.

Another more worrying pattern was their treatment of women. Genesis chapters 12, 20 and 26, record that both Abraham and Isaac allowed their wives to be given to foreign rulers in order to save their own skins. Genesis 38 tells of Judah committing adultery.

Then there was the favouritism shown to their sons. Sarah favoured Isaac over Ishmael. Isaac favoured Esau, while Rebecca favoured Jacob. Jacob in his turn favoured Joseph and Benjamin, the two sons of his favourite wife Rachel.

One result of this favouritism was a recurring pattern of sibling rivalry. Esau and Jacob were rivals. Joseph’s brothers were jealous enough to consider killing him although they opted for a lesser evil of selling him into slavery!

When families encounter difficulties, tracing such patterns can help identify areas of weakness in relationships and can be the first step towards addressing them and changing what is unhelpful. Of course, not all patterns are bad. Identifying at the same time the strengths in family history can help in the process of healing.This was the case for Hezekiah and Josiah who followed in the steps of their good ancestor David. These positive patterns can be used as tools to increase what is good and decrease what is bad until the unhelpful legacy is overcome.

Joseph broke the pattern by forgiving his brothers – a key issue we will consider later.

Don’t Let the Past Dictate our Behaviour  

Ezekiel 18.2 quotes a popular proverb: The parents eat sour grapes,and the children’s teeth are set on edge

But, says Ezekiel, this need not be the case. Every individual must take responsibility for their own actions. This is not something new. Deuteronomy 24.16 says: Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes.

Although we do read in Numbers 16 of an incident during the time the Israelites were wandering in the desert when whole families were punished by death for their fathers’ wrongdoing. One of these was Korah. Although the account tells us the whole of Korah’s family were put to death, this would seem not to be the case.

The late David Pawson, a renowned Bible teacher points out that; “some of the psalms are written by the sons of Korah. This man’s family did not follow him in his rebellion. And his children later became singers in the temple. We do not need to follow our parents when they do evil.”

There may be a legacy to struggle to overcome, but each of us can make choices which take us in a different direction. Judah followed in the adulterous footsteps of his forefathers, while Joseph chose to flee from a predatory woman. We can choose to follow or discard the example of previous generations as we grow and accept responsibility for our own actions.

How can we make a fresh start?

There are any number of secular counselling techniques available to help, but as Christians we have a unique source of powerful help to strengthen us in what can be a huge struggle. In John 3, Jesus tries to explain to Nathaniel that following Jesus means being born again. When we come to God in true repentance, understanding that Jesus died to set us free from the consequences of sin, our past slate is wiped clean and we are given a fresh start. Whatever we may have done, whatever bad legacy we may have inherited, we can shed it and start again.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

When we accept Christ as our Saviour, although we are immediately free of condemnation, we are still faced with the difficulty of living in this world, with the tensions already identified by Paul. But while Paul acknowledges the struggle, he goes on to encourage us with the fact that God has given us his Spirit within us to help us overcome.

When Jesus explained to his disciples in John 14 that he was going to leave them, they were immediately devastated at the thought of being left without him. But Jesus gave them a promise recorded in verse 16: I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counsellor to be with you forever.

He encourages them with the fact that he has overcome evil and its consequences in our lives.

John assures us that the power of God far exceeds the power of the devil.

So, for the Christian, although it is true that we continue to struggle with our fallen human nature, God has given us a helper. As we grow in our relationship with him, we will have increasing victory over sin.

What then are the practical measures we can take?

If there are broken relationships within our family, can we have the courage to seek out the person or persons involved and try to have a real and meaningful conversation with them? This can be the start of finding our way through to understanding what has gone wrong and so lead to forgiveness and healing?

It is not, for example, uncommon for children to feel wrongly responsible for the break-up of a marriage. Undealt with, this can lead to difficult relationships with their parents, and indeed problems in relating to their own children. Past sexual abuse causes severe problems for those who have suffered in silence.

It is good if families can take time to discuss any difficulties they may be experiencing in their relationships with one another. We can try to identify areas of false guilt, where we feel wrongly responsible for the actions of another. If it is the case that we ourselves are in some way at fault, then we have the opportunity to ask forgiveness. If the other party is estranged from us and is unwilling to offer that forgiveness, as Christians we can nevertheless be assured of God’s forgiveness. If problems are deep-seated, it may be necessary to seek professional help and it is good if a Christian counsellor can be found.

So let us prayerfully come before God and examine unhelpful traits which may affect our families. They may be small, they may be big, but with God’s help we can enrich relationships within our families through open and honest sharing and a willingness to ask for and grant forgiveness.

Next time we will think about relationships in the family of God.

Questions:

1.Compose your own family tree back a couple of generations and try to identify recurring patterns. Share what you feel appropriate with the group

2. How do you deal with the temptations you find hard to resist and overcome?

Share examples of how God has helped you deal with past difficulties.