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Episode 12
The Elder Brother Syndrome
The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 is familiar to readers of the Scripture. The centre of attention is the returning son or the welcoming father. It is a powerful story of God finding us, freeing us and forgiving us. The recklessness of the son did not stop the father from pouring out his love. The father did not disown the son in spite of what he had done. The father embraced the son without first hearing a single word of confession or repentance from the son.
However, in that story there is a neglected person - the elder son. In this chapter I want to highlight what is commonly known as ‘the elder brother syndrome’ and draw some important applications from it.
The context in which Jesus told the story was the murmuring of the Pharisees and scribes that Jesus ‘welcomes sinners and eats with them’ (Luke 15:3). So Jesus begins to tell three parables. One parable deals with the lost sheep, the other deals with the lost coin and the last deals with the lost son. Interestingly, the prominent motif in these parables is when or someone is lost and found (or returns), there would be rejoicing and celebration (Luke 15: 6; 9; 23; 32).
In the parable of the prodigal son, the lost son returned home and the father welcomed him by running to him, embracing him and kissing him. That showed total acceptance and forgiveness. The total acceptance of the son was also demonstrated by the father hugging the dirty and smelly son (let us not forget he was living in the pigsty). As if that was not enough, the father asked the servants to fetch the finest robe for him, put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. He also had the fattest calf slaughtered and threw a big party to celebrate. The reason for all these was the prodigal son who was lost had been found. He was considered dead when he left but now he had returned alive.
We are told in Luke 15:25 that the elder son was returning from work. This elder son was good and dutiful. He was obedient, hardworking and fulfilled his responsibilities (cf verse 28). In other words, he was a model of a person living in conformity with the father’s will. The picture we have of him is not one of rebellion or indolence. That is very significant and must be remembered.
When the elder son returned home, he heard music and dancing and was told by the servant, ‘Your brother has come home, and your father has killed the fatted calf because he has him back safe and sound’ (verse 27). When he heard that, he became angry and refused to join the merrymaking. Instead of choosing to take the high road to be big-hearted, he chose the low road of pettiness and resentment.
Perhaps it was pride that hindered the elder brother from joining the celebration. The text tells us the father came out and begged him to join the celebration but he adamantly refused (verse 28). Instead he retorted, ‘All these years I’ve worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never even gave me one young goat for a feast with my friend. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on the prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have’ (29-30; NLT).
What the elder brother said was true. He did not lie. What was the elder brother upset about? Why was he angry? He became resentful because the father did not give him what he deserved but instead he gave his younger brother what he did not deserve - a homecoming party. In other words what he was saying was this: ‘I deserve that kind of special treatment and not my younger brother. But, instead of giving me that special kind of treatment, you give it to my younger brother who certainly does not deserve all those things because of his profligate life’. In case the father had forgotten, the elder son even reminded the father what the younger brother had done.
The bottom line is that the older son could not accept that someone who had done wrong and returned to the fold could enjoy more grace than someone who was all along obedient and hardworking. The extravagant love of the father bothered him because it violated his own sense of what is right.
In other words, he also attacked his father for being unfair and partial. The older brother expected the younger brother to be punished harshly but the father practised grace instead. The father threw a party for the younger son in spite of the pain and misery he had brought to the family.
The older son’s attitude and behaviour is referred to as the ‘elder brother syndrome’ which makes one unhappy because someone who does not deserve grace is lavished with it. The ‘elder brother syndrome’ afflicts even religious, committed and God-loving people like the scribes and Pharisees. We cannot fault their devotion to God and their good works. However, they resent when grace is given to the undeserving. They remind and caution themselves and others about the past misdeeds. They may not realize that their righteous indignation may be a cover up of their self-righteousness. That was the problem with the scribes and Pharisees). In the context of this parable, the elder brother represents the religious leaders (the scribes and Pharisees), the younger son represents the sinner and the father refers to God.
The father’s reply to the elder son was, ‘Look dear son, you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost but now he is found’ (verses 31-32). When a person who strays from the fold or has fallen into sin returns, there should be celebration because every ‘lost son’ that returns is of worth and value to God (cf. Luke 15:10).
The tragic thing about this whole incident is that the Pharisees and scribes did not realize they are afflicted with the ‘elder brother syndrome’. They are the religious leaders and defenders of God’s laws!
Sadly, the ‘elder brother syndrome’ continues to prevail. Those afflicted are not indifferent but good, hardworking and God-loving pastors and church leaders. Their fault lies not in their work but in their attitude. They are unable to accept and rejoice when sinners repent and return to the fold. They are unhappy that God can bless such people more than those who have never strayed.
The ‘elder brother syndrome’ is caused by a faulty understanding of the biblical concept of grace. The elder brother would not let the younger brother repent and forget his past. Of course, the question to ask is whether the elder brother is motivated by self or God. Those afflicted with ‘the elder brother syndrome’ tend to be judgmental and legalistic. Hence, they ‘refuse to join in the party’ that God has organized for those returning.
Those who are afflicted with ‘elder brother syndrome’ have not grasped hold of grace. Grace is an undeserved favour for the undeserving. Anything that is given because it is deserved is no longer grace but reward. If God gives you what you deserve, then it is no longer grace. ‘And if they are saved by God’s kindness [grace is the Greek word], then it is not by their good works. For in that case God’s wonderful kindness [grace is the Greek word] would not be what it is -‘free and undeserved’ (Rom 11:6).
Another problem is that the older brother is governed by law and he plays by the rules. ‘If you do this, this is what you get’. His principle is ‘what you sow you must reap’. From the elder brother’s perspective, the younger brother has broken the rules. So has the father by accepting him back into the fold.
The other problem with the ‘elder brother syndrome’ is that it hinders the ‘lost sons’ from returning home to obey and serve the Father. Why? The elder brother imposes strict rules and regulations (where tradition is sometimes mistaken for truth) instead of exercising grace. Some rules and regulations may be needed but the standard answer given for imposing overly-strict rules is that ‘we want to be very sure that he/she has really repented’. The question then ‘Can anyone be absolutely sure that a person has repented?’ The answer is no, because the heart of the matter is always the matter of the heart. Only God sees the heart. The human heart is deceitful and corrupt, isn’t it?
What makes it tragic for those afflicted with the ’elder brother syndrome’ is they may not be aware or refuse to recognize that they are carriers of the virus. Scripture reminds us, ‘We all became like something unclean and all our righteous deeds were like a filthy rag; we have all withered like leaves and our iniquities carry us away like the wind’ (Isaiah 64:6; note the plural pronoun). It is easier to spot the ‘lost son’ than the ‘the elder brother’.
Is there a cure for the ‘elder brother syndrome’? Yes. The Scripture reminds us that ‘nothing is impossible with God’ (Luke 1:37; 18:27). Anyone afflicted with this ‘elder brother syndrome’ needs a grace awakening. That person must first recognize that he/ she is afflicted with the ‘elder brother syndrome’. Ask the Holy Spirit to help us deal with it. Study the Word of God prayerfully. If we truly understand grace, we would not begrudge God showing grace to anyone. Instead we would rejoice whenever someone returns to God; instead of resentment, anger and envy, we would welcome and embrace that person because another child has come home, and another worker has been reclaimed for kingdom work. Reading books on grace will help (see recommended reading list) transform your horizon on grace. Remember that God loves both the ‘elder brother’ and the ‘lost son’ equally. (1695 words)
Discussion Questions