Bringing Heaven Home

06 The Father Wound (2)

Welcome to ‘The World Needs A Father’, Bringing Heaven Home series. This is chapter four, part two, on the father, mother and peer wounds, father wounds revealed and healed. And today we are going to talk about healing of our wounds. The previous chapter we talk about identifying and being aware of the wounds. We ask our father to reveal the wounds so that we can be healed. And this is the chapter on the healing of our wounds.

To restore the damage of the past, we want to really bond in weakness, not in strength. It's amazing how to bond in weakness. Number one, we need to stop playing the blame game. We can always blame our father and mother, right? And then justify ourselves. But that's actually the opposite of moving forward and weakness. And as we are Christians, when we are weak, He is strong. And our Abba Father would actually heal us because his grace is sufficient for us. However, if we don't own our failures, we don't own our sin, we can't correct them. So a wrong reaction to a transgression is just as bad. So let's stop playing the blame and shame game. The self-pity is destructive. It enslaves and does not liberate. Playing victim doesn't set us free or serve anyone. Playing victim actually doesn't serve us at all. It makes us feel defeated. So let's not blame or shame. Let's own the problem so that we can step forward into the solution, we step forward into a better future and not willow in the self-pity spa.

Healing from our inner wounds, there are four steps. A, we own the problem. B, we forgive the person. C, we celebrate inner victory, and we will go through that in detail. D, we walk together.

How do we own the problem? We have to identify the wound. In the previous chapter, we have wrote clearly, what are the insecurities that we actually have. We need to know where it came from and why it cost so much pain, the feeling. Then we need to understand what damage it has caused in our life. The other step is that we have the knowledge that we have a father wound so that we can get it healed. Likewise with the mother wound or peer wound. We need to really named the wound. My father had done this or that, my father has neglected this or that. Don't worry. This is just naming the wound. This is a necessary step towards healing.

After we name the unfulfilled need by stating it verbally, we can actually start to write a letter to dad without delivering it. That means we verbalize it, we name the need because we want to be healed by our Abba Father in heaven. We need to face the facts about the impact of this wound. It does affect us, we need acknowledge that it create in us anger either towards our father, to life in general or even to God our Abba Father. We are just angry or feeling insecure. We need to also acknowledge other symptoms that comes with it, other anger, sometimes frustration. We may even shout or scream when things don't go the way we want. They may also present with passisivity. Meaning I can do anything about it, I'm not in control. Or if escapism, a lot of people are watching a video, watching porn or doing gaming. Or procrastination, where they don't do what they are supposed to do, they do things last minute. Or outbursts like a mention of anger, frustrating shouting, or physical violence, or throwing things or smashing things. Or even gossip, which means sabotaging people behind their back. So I think we really want to own the problem and not let these symptoms continue. Let’s write the letter to dad without delivering it.

Next we need to forgive the person. And actually forgiveness is not weak surrendering, it is actually a strong act of will. It's a strong act of will to write off the debt of someone else and decided to pay the price yourself. And that's what our Lord Jesus Christ actually done on the cross for us. We have this divine exchange. Then this is why we need to take authority over the transgression first, so that we can switch it from my father didn't do this for me and I feel like a victim, blaming him or wanting shame him, to I owe you. This is really a very hard sacrificial act of forgiveness. But you know what, God can help you this. With the forgiveness we have received from God, with the grace, with the love that we receive from our Abba Father, we can do this.

Next, we discard undue expectations of our earthly fathers. This is actually really looking at reasonable realism of what your father had to deal with when he dug the wound. Maybe the time he was working very hard, he’s frustrated, maybe he’s tired. Maybe he’s angry himself, because he has not been loved, he has not received the forgiveness. Though he’s flawed, he tried his best nevertheless, so we can forgive him. He has tried his best, just like we try our best, but we fall short. So we can forgive the person with the forgiveness we received.

Next, we need to take authority over any negative spiritual impact that the father wound has on us, on our life, and over any power or habit that hinder you to conquer your wound. Because really we anchor on Christ, the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ are the acts of God, the mighty acts of our heavenly Father, on our behalf, to conquer the grave of our sin and transgression. It also conquers the sin of others and the power of all transgressions over our lives. Stated clearly, “Because I partake in the power of God's victory over sin, in Jesus name we can conquer this attack on our spiritual health.” Indeed, as forgiven people, much loved people, we can give the forgiveness that we have received and the love that we received from our Abba Father or heavenly father to the people around us. And that's how we heal from our father's wound, our earthy father's wound.

Indeed, that's how we apply forgiveness. Isn’t it wonderful to run to our heavily Father and receive that hug. To know that we are the children of God, that the blood of Christ has covered us and free us from all generations sin. And likewise, to apply that and to forgive your dad, to forgive your earthly father, pleading that the blood of Christ would actually cleanse and cover all the generations sins and wash them white as snow.

C, we step into inner victory. Indeed it’s really allowing God our Abba Father to have the only right to make us happy or sad, because actually he wants us to be contented and satisfied in Him. Accept that God has chosen our parents for us, right? To prepare us for what he wants to do through us. In fact, for myself, I’m working as a psychiatrist. You know, I came from a father who's actually very abusive, shouting because he was a chef. He was actually a father who was very hot tempered because of this work. And I have a mother who have never really received any love from her own family. And because of this, there's a lot of neglect. So when I come to my Abba Father, I received so much. So with knowing what my parents have actually done during their time. It was really, very hard times, very hard times in the 1970s. I've learned that the abandon your best and I can forgive them. So indeed for we were once in darkness, all of us, but now we are in the light in the Lord. Let us live as children of light. And I wanna thank God that my father and mother also have come to know the Abba Father and received the love, and they are really very much love, and they can live as children of light also. So we need to decide, we need to step into inner victory to decide, to capture all thoughts and make them obedient to Christ, as in 2 Corinthians 10:5.

We need to change the negative thoughts into positive thoughts. How do we do that? We need to be aware of lies, the lies of the evil one, of Satan. The lies could be, “she has good genes, that's why she's so pretty”, or “she was born like this and just accept it.” This thinking removes choice and accountability from equation. But it is scientifically and spiritually inaccurate. Genes may determine our physical characteristic, but not our psychological phenomenon. Our genes are constantly being remodelled in response to life experiences. We can control our genes, they do not control us. We are not victims of our biology or genes, we are co-creators of our destiny along with Abba Father our God. And God leads, and we can choose to let God lead.

So every morning when you wake up, you have a new baby nerve cells born inside your brain to use wisely, as you remove bad thoughts and wire are in new thoughts. This is called neurogenesis, new baby nerve cells. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change in response to thinking., then it can operate for us instead of against us. Because whatever you think, that thing would actually grow the most. We may not be able to control events or circumstances outside of ourselves, in our lives, but we can control our reaction to it. Our mind can control matter. Research shows that DNA actually changes shape in response to our thoughts. Isn't this amazing? And our choices alter the expression of the genes. And this can be also passed to our future generation, our grandchildren. So our bad choices can become theirs, but we can choose to actually be different, to have a positive attitude, to be aware of our disposition, to evaluate them and choose to eliminate them. What our mind creates, our mind can take away. So indeed, in Deuteronomy it says, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life (I urge everyone to choose life), that both you and your descendants may actually live in the Lord.”

We want to step into inner victory. How do we do that? We say how the father wound has made you feel. We say what we normally say when you feel this way. That’s the conviction, a Satan’s lie. But how do we apply the biblical truth? How do we take action to behind that biblical truth?

And this is how it is. The inner victory is the feeling and the lie, leading to conviction. We are to exchange it with the truth, the truth that we are actually children of God. Jesus has actually covered us and freed us.

You wanna act on the truth. And we want to step into inner victory to find actions that connect with our new patterns of thought and practice. Know that it’s a journey of repeated healing episodes. Ask the Holy Spirit to come over your life, then you can overcome the flesh daily. You want to identify behaviour and thought in ourselves that we can grow spiritually and also have accountability partner.

D, we want to walk together. Many people don't experience total restoration because they are alone. Then the process of discipleship is really walking together in a group together as children of light. As a family of forgiven and forgiving children of light, to love one another and serve one another. That's our daily work together into inner victory.

And we need to fight against pride and self-pity. We ask people to be our accountability partner. We set our minds and fix our eyes on Jesus, and apply the healing balm to other. You spend time in healthy relationship with older men, there are mentors that can model fatherhood for us. And then we can become a father we never had, and we can, next step, be life-coaches for other fathers into authentic fatherhood.

Indeed, we can heal from inner wounds. We can own the problem, forgive the person and walk in victory together. Right?

Some reflective questions. What clear hurts need to be stated in your letter to dad? So that it can be forgiven, it can be healed. Have you applied the forgiveness through the blood of Christ over the generations? So that you can free not just yourself, but also the future generations from this father would. Even though you have forgiven the person or you still remember what happened, or how you feel, how little you want to forgive them. But how do you move through those feelings to walk in inner victory every day? With that, I thank you.