Hello friends! Today, we will listen to a reflection by Raphael Zhang, a brother-in-Christ who experiences same-sex attraction as well, and his thoughts on the personal stories we have listened to over the past few weeks. I hope this reflection will touch our hearts and minds to reflect on whether we have truly been a church to others, especially to those who really needed our support and love. Have we been a community of love? Or judgement? As you ponder over these questions, let’s listen to Raphael’s reflection.

“Listening… is a memorable form of love”, writes the poet and Episcopal priest, Spencer Reece. That’s as good a place as any for us to begin with. Over the past few weeks, we have listened to the stories of Christians who experience same-sex attraction. These writers who have vulnerably shared their struggles and joys, their difficult emotions and hard-won resolutions. Each of these writers demonstrated extraordinary courage and we ought to greet their act of boldness with our act of love, understanding and compassion.

A few common themes emerged from these stories which I wish to draw out and invite you to reflect on how they present pressing and rich opportunities for the church to respond. An act of love does not just entail listening but also summons us to action. We need to take it seriously, that “if one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together”. (1 Corinthians 12:26) We need to care enough for our hurting brothers and sisters to do something for them, so that in honouring their pain and experiences, all of us in Christ’s family can rejoice together.

Christians with same-sex attraction tend to experience a conflict between their spontaneously felt same-sex feelings and their deeply held Christian beliefs. Guilt is often thrown into the mix and is especially confusing to grapple with, since same-sex attraction is not something any one of us could, or would, choose to have. These feelings of shame and guilt are compounded by the often implicitly felt sentiment in church that struggling with homosexuality seems to be a greater sin than any other sin and is often seemed as a huge taboo. The largest shared theme among all the stories is that the writers didn’t experience churches as welcoming communities to share their struggles with same-sex attraction. It’s a sad and sobering reality which we ought to be eager to change. In some cases, the subject of homosexuality and the existence of same sex attracted people were seldom talked about in churches. When mentioned, it was done so derisively, or the discussions tend to lack empathy and compassion. As a result, the church would not feel like a safe space for conversation and support for same sex attracted people, leading to many cases of them leaving the church as they did not feel accepted or welcomed. I cannot imagine how this would sit in the heart of Christ, and it should also bother those of us who care about His burdens.

What complicates this struggle is an over-emphasis on marriage from the pulpit. Because singleness isn’t usually talked about much, many feel the pressure to settle down with the opposite-sex, which is something many people with same-sex attraction can hardly imagine themselves doing. This often results in these friends to feel alone in their struggles, not knowing who they could turn to, lest they receive judgement instead of acceptance. This isn’t to say that a church shouldn’t address marriage. It must indeed do so, especially in a time when biblical marriage is increasingly devalued by our culture. But it should also devote attention to equally vital conversations on the beauty of singleness – not just preaching about it, but also providing singles with practical support to enjoy a robust and fulfilling life in Christ.

Pastoring the congregation well in the area of their sexuality also includes courageously and compassionately addressing our collective brokenness – heterosexual or non-heterosexual. This can be done by creating space for the struggles and questions about living out God’s plan for the flourishing of our sexuality – be it an addiction to pornography, pre-marital sexual activity, extra-marital affairs, homosexual conduct, gender identity issues and so on. Moreover, when authenticity, vulnerability, and emotional safety are absent from a church’s culture, it makes it incredibly hard for church members to talk about their struggles with same-sex attraction, or any struggles at all. There are same-sex attracted Christians who, because they envision a life of loneliness and misery if they obey the biblical view of sexuality, rather seek out and believe in interpretations of the Bible that endorse homosexuality because like anyone else, they genuinely desire to receive and give love and intimacy.

The challenge for the church is this: How can a Christian with same-sex attraction experience a life of flourishing by following Christ? Can a healthy, non-romantic and non-sexual, love and intimacy be found in singleness and in the church family that can fulfil their desires? Eve Tushnet, a Roman Catholic writer with same-sex attraction expresses this urgent question this way: “What if we asked gay people who don’t accept church teaching this question, ‘What might make it possible for you to live out this teaching in a way that’s fruitful and not barren? And how can we serve you and welcome you even if our sexual morality never changes?’”

“Fruitful and not barren” is what would make obedience to Christ’s teachings life-giving. Every Christian, including our brothers and sisters with same-sex attraction, is meant to experience His promise of an abundant life. So, how can the church be the answer to Tushnet’s question: “What if gay people could find more forms of devoted and honoured love in the church rather than outside it?”

Thankfully, not everything from these stories is about the writers’ negative experiences of the church. They also shared what was helpful to them, and these are treasures we can mine. We don’t have to be bogged down with excessive guilt by their unpleasant encounters with the church community, but we do need to honestly acknowledge that these are indictments of where the church hasn’t done so well. These indictments, however, are invitations for us to grow to become more of a gospel community to our brothers and sisters with same-sex attraction. The experiences of the writers show us clearly that the church can’t just preach on what God’s Word says about homosexuality. It also has to practice the Bible’s enjoinment to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). Pastor Corey Widmer carries the conviction that “any church that holds a traditional view of sexuality must also foster a radical practice of Christian community in which living out a biblical sexual ethic becomes possible and even attractive.” If the church isn’t the kind of community in which same-sex attracted Christians can flourish as they follow Christ, then why should we be surprised if they run towards other kinds of communities that seek to show them love and acceptance and promote their well-being in their own, albeit non-biblical, ways?

Associate Professor of Theology Matt Jenson puts it this way:

“The church is right to tell gay people the good news and call them to a life of discipleship if, and only if, it is willing to live as their family. If the church is unwilling to be family to gay people, it has no business giving them the Gospel. […] When the church is truthful, when it lives out what it means to be the household of God, it demonstrates the truth of the Gospel. When it doesn’t live this out, it bears false witness, no matter what it says, making it look like the Gospel is just what so many suspects it is: too good to be true.”

But we don’t have a gospel that is too good to be true. We just have a church community that is too slow to show the gospel to be true. But, by God’s grace and mercy, we’re not too late.

Pastor Brad Hambrick asks, “Think about your own congregation. If someone is experiencing unwanted same-sex attraction – and it’s likely someone is – whom would they talk to? Where would they find support? What quality of honest friendship is available to them?” When Christians with same-sex attraction turn to the church for help, will they find grace in their time of need or will they find a place where they feel unsafe or ostracised?

Reflecting on the stories of these writers and my own journey, I would say that the most important thing is for same sex attracted Christians to understand rightly is God’s character and His heart of us, something in which the church has a crucial role to play in. Denying ourselves from acting on our same-sex desires can be difficult and painful, but if that’s all there is to it, then obedience to God would become a heavy burden that is unbearable. Rather, what ought to compel obedience to God is the understand that self-denial isn’t the end of the road, but the beginning of the path toward the abundant goodness God has in store for us. Pastor Nick Roen, who is himself same sex attracted, expresses this well: “What the church needs is an alternative script. And it must be a holistic script that accounts for the real emotions and desires of those with same-sex attraction. We can’t live a life of only saying “No!” to our desires. We need to be able to say “Yes!” to something greater, something better. The most basic – and the most glorious – thing that I have said “Yes!” to is Jesus. The joys of following Jesus are everlasting and complete and make the temporary promises of sin seem woefully lacking. However, following Jesus does not make my yearnings for human intimacy and companionship magically disappear: What does Christianity have to say to those areas?”

What Christianity has to offer to same sex attracted people are healthy and intimate relationships in the church family. Windmer is convinced that one of the church’s most urgent tasks today is to create a counter-cultural community “that makes the demands of the gospel plausible, practical and attractive. If a gay person is going to embrace a life of chastity for Jesus Christ, he [or she] must be able to look into the future and see not only the loss and pain but also the possibility that a real fulfilling life can be lived.” Holiness is supposed to be beautiful, not burdensome. But that cannot happen unless the church supports same sex attracted Christians in such a way that they can live full and fulfilling lives in their discipleship journey. This way, obedience to Jesus would be not only possible, but also promising. Being drawn by the greater love of God was what compelled these writers to stop pursuing the lesser pleasures of sin and to leave the life He didn’t intend for them.

We will embark on the journey of mentors and friends who walked alongside our same sex attracted friends next week. Until then, this has been Global Reachout and it has been a blessing to journey with you. Stay tuned, stay kind, and have a great week!