Hello friends! In the past two weeks, we heard two encouraging life testimonies from two families. With determined faith in God, after praying and making effort for years, the non-Christian spouses finally surrendered their lives to God. We praise the Lord and celebrate for those who successfully transitioned from unequal yoke to Christian partners. But what about those spouses whose stubborn hearts refuse to turn to Jesus?

In this episode, we will follow pastor David as we discuss about this difficult case and learn how we should evaluate it.

As pointed out earlier, we as pastors walk a tightrope between the pulpit and the pew. What we proclaim as God’s Word from the pulpit is not always what is done among the pews in the lives of the people occupying them. Yes, policies need to be put in place to help us know the boundary lines, but how does grace play a part in the implementation of these policies?

Joseph Seah, a seasoned pastor who knows full well the tension of such situations, asks if exceptions be allowed for any rule or policy. He cites an example relevant to our consideration:

Can there not be exceptional circumstances that warrant consideration or are all marriages between a believer and unbeliever wrong? It is pointless to argue from empirical evidence, having you give evidences of break-ups in marriages involving a Christian and a non-Christian; because there are equally numbers of Christian marriages that break up. It is equally frivolous to argue that when a Christian marries a non-Christian, the Christian tends to backslide and even become apostate because there are easily equal numbers of non-Christians who marry Christians who eventually become Christians.

Even if some scientific study could be done of the data out there, the findings would still not help us. It is likely that exceptions on both sides (equal yoke vs unequal yoke) would cancel each other out. So, a better question to ask is: What should we do when an unequal yoke has already been set? Here is where Joseph Seah calls for grace.

Grace is more than mercy, for mercy is a mitigated judgment upon the sinner, while grace is free pardon. Grace is much more than compassion, for compassion is a feeling while grace consummates that feeling. Grace is very much more than leniency, for leniency connotes partial punishment while grace connotes exemption from the punishment that the transgressor rightly deserves.

If such a definition of grace is accepted, then the one committing the wrong of an unequal yoke is to be freely pardoned; completely exempted from any punishment he or she rightly deserves. Is this going against or beyond the law and its demands? When Jesus was confronted with this question with a woman caught in adultery flung towards Him, He took some time to answer. “Do we stone her or not?” the religious leaders demanded an answer. He was doodling in the sand, perhaps giving time for His questioners to answer their own question.

When He finally spoke, He caught the accusers by surprise: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” We could hear the stones being dropped one by one as the feet of men with pricked conscience shuffled away. “Where are your accusers?” Jesus turned to the woman and asked, “Is there no one who accused you?” “No one, sir,” she replied. Then Jesus spoke two sentences which will forever define the meaning of grace. “Neither do I condemn you.” “Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1–11.)

The order of those two statements is pivotal. Absolution came before injunction; discharge before directive. How should the church, the community of saints, receive the unequally yoked couple and help them to move on? How can we help them repair what needs mending and recover what needs salvaging? Firstly, we can extend our friendship. Genuine friendship begins with acceptance. We may not agree with what someone has done, but we can accept the person as a friend. Jesus called Judas friend even as he met Him with a kiss of betrayal (Matthew 26:50).

A pastor or a church leader may not be comfortable attending the wedding or wedding dinner of an unequally yoked couple if he or she wants to uphold the church policy against an unequally yoked couple marrying in the church.

But there are personal and informal ways to letting the couple know we are still friends. Earlier in our programme in episode 9, we shared about a couple that pastor David could not marry in their church, neither could he attend their wedding dinner as he could not publicly endorse their union. But pastor David continued to be friends with them—visiting their new home after their honeymoon. You too can help in practical ways before and during the wedding and at their matrimonial home. There is so much to do when a couple is settling down. Helping hands are always needed and appreciated. Such timely help is often remembered for years to come.

Secondly, we can persevere in our prayers. When an unequally yoked couple decides to get married, it’s not the end. The adventure of prayer has only begun. If we are truly friends, we will not give up on someone because he or she has taken a path different from what we are taking. On the contrary, our concern should heighten and our commitment deepened. The prophet and priest Samuel sets us an example of someone who continued to pray for the people of Israel despite their waywardness: “Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you… ’ (1 Samuel 12:23).

 Dear friends, pray for the Christian partner to keep believing in God for the salvation of his or her spouse, remembering that God is “not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Pray for the witness of the believer so that his or her spouse will be “won without a word by the conduct” of a Christ-like life (1 Peter 3:1). Since we cannot convert anyone, pray for the Holy Spirit to bring conviction to the heart of the unbelieving partner and for the Lord to bring believers into his or her circle of association.

Finally, we can be alert to opportunities to witness. Inviting such a couple to church events during Christmas is an example. They could be invited also to marriage and parenting seminars organised by the church. Not only will they find these seminars helpful, their participation will keep them in touch with their Christian friends. Many hardened hearts are softened by a genuine show of concern and prayers by the church in times of family crisis such as a serious illness, bereavement or financial hardship.

We may fail to be united as one family in Jesus or worship together in church for some time, but it does not mean we should stop following or caring about those unequal yoked couples as friends.

In pastor David’s churches, they have men and women (more women than men) who come to church without their spouses. They come alone and go home alone. They sit alone during worship. They are among the loneliest people in the world. When they sing a moving hymn or hear an uplifting sermon, they have no one to share that experience with them. When they return home, they have no one to pray with them. The situation may be slightly better if they have children who come to church with them, and are old enough to pray with them at home. These individuals have been described as spiritual ‘single parents’ or ‘widows’.

 If so, would not the Lord have a special interest in them? After all, as Psalm 68:5–6 says “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families… ”.

Dear friends, there are so many people who need our love and caring as Jesus told us in the bible. Our lonely friends in unequal yoke marriages are carrying more burden for their family. They may decide to marry non-Christian or are already in such marriages before knowing God. Though we know they failed to obey the teachings in the bible, we still should love them as Jesus loves us. Do keep praying and caring about the unequal yoke couples with confidence in God.

Unequal yoke is challenging and dangerous, hence we have to pay attention to avoid such situations for ourselves. But at the same time, we also have to love those struggling with it. How should we consider this issue from all sides and pray for those different groups facing the issue at different phases? Please listen to our next episode on coming Thursday. Stay tune and goodbye!

真實的悔改 Turn My Life To You

詞、曲：余盈盈 Sarah Yu © 2009 Stream of Praise Music / BMI. CCLI #5482546 讚美之泉版權所有

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