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Hello friends! Last week we heard some encouraging testimonies from non-Christians. Those young people surrendered their life soon after marriage with the help of the church. And we know that as Christians, we too can help them in their time of transition. But what about those already married for years, paired as unequal yoke family for a long time? Are there any ways to help them?
It’s been said that water always finds its own level. It may be added that the level is always the lowest. From this, it’s been inferred that an unequally yoked marriage always descends to the lowest common denominator. In other words, a Christian who marries a non-Christian will probably go along with the latter since the religious obligations placed upon the Christian are often greater.
What does it mean, and how does this lifestyle look like? Maybe you can have a clearer concept by listening to the following story:
Priscilla is a devout Christian. She married Loong, a nominal Buddhist. He calls himself one mainly because he is Chinese and because a majority of Chinese identify as Buddhists. She feels that since her husband is broadminded in the matter of religion, they could each pursue their respective faiths without a problem. But several years into their marriage, she realised that the demands the church places on her are more rigorous than what her husband receives from the temple he visits.
The differences soon become apparent. While Loong goes to the temple only on certain festive occasions, Priscilla goes to church every Sunday. While her faith requires her to spend time each day reading the Bible and praying, she does not see this discipline in her husband. Also, as a responsible Christian, she feels the need to contribute to the financial needs of the church every month. Her husband, on the other hand, makes contributions to the temple as and when he feels the need to.
In such a situation, it is understandable if Priscilla gradually slackens in her religious duties, feeling that going to church once in a while is enough - or that reading the Bible occasionally and putting money in the offering whenever she does go to church is sufficient. Such a scenario is considered typical - or is it?
Some of us may already have a similar experience, either from our non-Christian spouse, family members or friends. There are always so many reasons dragging us out of church and breaking our connection with God. True, we know of cases of those who fall away from faith in unequally yoked marriages. It is really a pity and sad for us to hear about such cases. But we also know of cases of believers who did not descend to the lowest common denominator, but instead raised their partners up in the other direction.
Of course, such a turn of events take time, and it happens amidst much struggle, difficulty and perseverance. There are stories from Pastor David who personally know of two couples who did so, and he was grateful for their consent to share their stories.
Helen is a Christian married to a non-believer, Patrick. Pastor David first asked Helen how she felt when she decided to marry Patrick, a free-thinker with Taoist parents. She said, “During the initial stage of our courtship there was a sense of guilt and wavering, but when I decided to carry on with the relationship, there were no issues or problems. I was not a strong Christian then. I was a backslider and stopped attending church services of my accord. Not having a church wedding did not bother me.”
In the early years of their marriage, they did not have any problems. Patrick said, “There wasn’t any real issue. I don’t remember any occasion when we argued over our beliefs. She basically accommodated me.” Helen felt the same: “There were no issues as we were busy with our careers and bringing up our girls.” The change came when Helen decided to go back to church.
So how did this turning point come about since they both seemed to enjoy family life in peace and harmony?
Helen recounted, “I returned to the Lord approximately 15 years later and attended church with our daughters. Patrick didn’t attend with us but had no objections. His brother-in law fell ill and we started accompanying him to church. It was during one of the regular Bible study meetings that the Lord touched Patrick dramatically. Frankly speaking, even though I prayed for Patrick, I did not feel any urgency. It was all God’s working and timing.”
Helen had handed everything into God’s guidance and everything was going on a regular pace. But as she picked up her daily habits and activities as a Christian, how did that impact her family? How did Patrick feel about the family going back to the church, and what happened at that particular Bible study meeting? Patrick shared, “Helen didn’t try to convert me. I guess that was the right and helpful thing she did. She knew that I didn’t really object to Christianity as we sent our children to Christian schools.
“My late brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and began attending the healing service in a church. I volunteered to be his driver. I would sit at the back of the church and witness the proceedings. God healed him and he lived for three more years. Before he passed on, the pastor from his church led a weekly Bible study at my brother-in-law’s place. My wife and I were invited to attend. The Lord touched me at one of the meetings.”
Pastor David asked Helen what she would say to someone wanting to marry a non-Christian, considering that her story ended well. She said, “I wouldn’t advise a Christian to marry a non-Christian, though I’m very blessed and thank God that He converted Patrick. But not everyone will have the same experience. My elder sister married a non-Christian who is still unconverted to date, so it’s best to obey the Lord to marry someone who is a Christian.”
Here is some information to add a personal postscript to the story of Patrick and Helen from Pastor David. Patrick and David were classmates in primary school and continued to be friends after they left for different secondary schools. David brought Patrick to church and shared the gospel with him. Soon afterwards, Patrick dropped out of church and they lost touch.
Imagine my surprise when some 40 years later, I received an email from Patrick. He had tracked me down and asked if we could meet. Over coffee, he told me that he had recently been baptised and was attending the Bible Study Fellowship in a school next to the church I was pastoring! I could not contain my joy.
Is there any greater joy and grateful thing than that? The person you have kept praying and cared for deeply finally accepted God after waiting for so many years! All praise to the Lord, His plan is always well prepared with a proper timing for each person. Pastor David marvelled at how God brought Patrick to Himself, not through his sharing the gospel with Patrick, but through a Christian girl he married.
That was quite an encouraging sharing to strengthen our heart. Yes, it not easy to pray and wait for decades, but it’s still worth it for our friends’ and family members’ salvation. The process may be full of sorrows and there could be no response after praying for many years. To support an unequal yoke family can be a long journey as we don’t know what God’s plan is and whether the non-Christian would change their mind. But we have our confidence on the Lord Himself. Loose the soil and spread the seed, never give up trying.
My dear friends, are there similar unequal yoke family in your church or surrounding? We all know that the salvation of a non-believer takes time and patience, and they would need love and caring from both Christians and God. I hope the testimony from Pastor David gave you some ideas and encouraged you to help those in unequal yoke marriages.
Next week we will have one more inspiring story from another Christian called Heidi. Do you want to hear more response from God after seeking and waiting? Do listen to our new episode on coming Thursday. Stay tune and goodbye!
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