Hello friends! Last week, we discussed how falling in love is an exciting process, but which comes with potential risks as well. In this episode let’s try to get a clearer view about how we rationalize unequal yoke. There will be a few true stories helping us to understand it.

Love, love changes everything

Hands and faces, earth and sky

Love changes everything

How you live, and how you die

Love can make the summer fly

Or a night seem like a lifetime

That song “Love Changes Everything” was from the musical, Aspects of Love by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It describes how when people fall in love, everything changes.  How true! When two people fall in love, they can never be the same again. That, my friends, is the most beautiful thing about love and the most dangerous thing as well. Whatever we believe prior to falling in love goes out the window to make room for the powerful emotions that are unleashed. The song also says:

Love bursts in and suddenly

All our wisdom disappears

Love makes fools of everyone All the rules we make are broken

Love changes everyone

Live or perish in its flame

Love will never, never let you be the same.

We can break the rules we make for ourselves—or the rules made for us by others. One of these rules, ‘Do not be unequally yoked’ can be set aside as well. We may allow other seemingly more compelling reasons to take over. Here are some ways we may rationalise our way forward: Firstly, you may be the instrument God is using to lead the person to faith. This thought appeals especially if your significant other professes no faith and expresses an openness to explore your faith. Perhaps God may have led you to this person for a purpose. Having a special relationship gives you a unique influence in his or her life—perhaps this access could open the door of their heart to God.

Let’s take a look at a real experience of Jane. Jane is a devout believer who has prayed sincerely and earnestly for a life-partner. She hoped to meet a godly man who would fall in love with her and ask to marry her. Her dream came true and her prayers were answered when she met Ron at a company event. That enjoyable evening, they found themselves drawn to each other. When the event was over, they continued to meet, enjoying the newfound friendship.

Jane discreetly asked Ron about his background and found that he had been to church when he was younger but left after he started working. He hadn’t gone back for the last 10 years or so, nor had he ever made a profession of faith. “I am a free-thinker. I believe everyone should have the right to believe what he wants to believe,” he told Jane. She was hopeful. He had not closed the door on God— and Jane prayed with all her heart that he would believe in Jesus one day. She could be God’s channel to bring Ron back to the Lord. Such hopes are understandable. There are stories of non-Christians becoming believers as a result of budding romantic relationships.

One such case is a young man at an evangelistic event. He had come, urged along by his girlfriend. She had previously said to him, “You ask many questions about the Christian faith that I cannot answer. Why don’t you come to church and ask my pastor?” That evening, he asked his questions and the answers must have made sense to him—he started attending church and eventually put his faith in Christ. The story has a happy ending. He was baptised, they got married and he grew to become one of the leaders of the church. But not all accounts follow that storyline. There are those who start attending church, join in the activities and even get baptised. But when the wedding is over, they disappear from the scene. It becomes obvious when a man obliges to a woman simply to give her the church wedding she wanted so much. Or when she goes along with him to church before the wedding to please him and make him look good in front of his Christian friends.

As a pastor, David has often found himself in dilemmas where the conversion and baptism of the man or woman takes place just months before the wedding. Is he genuine? Is she being sincere? Sometimes, we just have to take them at their word and pray for the best outcome. David has been disappointed every now and then—but have also been amazed at how God works in some cases.

Ed was obviously not our typical church-going guy. When he was first introduced to Pastor David by his girlfriend, David thought he looked like a gangster. His hair was long, his shirt was hanging out and he made no eye contact. His posture betrayed a sense of discomfort while talking to a pastor. David struggled over whether or not he should go ahead with a church wedding. But Ed dutifully fulfilled all the requirements—sitting through the catechism classes and giving all the right answers at the final interview (probably coached by his girlfriend, David thought). David subsequently baptised him, took them through premarital counselling and married them—all within a span of six months. In the years after their marriage, everyone saw the change in Ed, slowly but surely. Two decades later, David caught up with them in the country where they had migrated.

I discovered to my joy that Ed was leading a Bible study group in church, and both of them were involved in preparing young couples for marriage. From such an unpromising start came a couple who loved and served the Lord. Should such testimonies encourage Christians in an unequally yoked relationship to trust God and carry on?

Lee and Leslie Strobel have written a book about their mismatched marriage and how Leslie eventually won Lee to the Lord. Despite the happy outcome of their unequal yoke, they caution:

Resist the temptation to do missionary dating. The problem with stories about Christians dating unbelievers and then leading them to Christ is that they are the exception to the rule. The chances are higher of you being pulled away from your faith compared to he or she embracing your faith. Remember that it is wrong to knowingly violate God’s injunction against unequally yoked relationships.

The Strobels continue with the following advice:

While it is natural and healthy to be concerned about the salvation of a potential dating partner, the best approach is to connect him with a member of the same sex to talk about the gospel, give him a Christian book to read, invite him to your church or Christian youth group and pray for him. You can take all those positive steps without putting yourself in harm’s way.

Is there hope for a relationship with a non-Christian partner? The answer is Yes—and no. Yes, if the non-Christian partner professes no faith and expresses an openness to explore your faith. No, if he or she is already a staunch believer or serious practitioner of another faith. Or if the person cannot decide where he or she stands in matters of faith.

Another story from real life may give us a better understanding of the opposite side.

Sue had known Rod for several years. He came from a Taoist family who took their faith seriously. When Rod started hinting about marriage, Sue made one thing clear: She could not marry him unless they both shared the same faith. Rod explained the difficulty of his situation to her and how he was torn between her and his family. Sue in turn stood her ground and urged him to choose in due time—her faith or his parents’ faith. “You are old enough to think for yourself and you should choose what you believe in,” she told him.

A year passed and Rod was still indecisive. Sue agonised in prayer for him and felt she needed to set a cut-off date for their relationship. They could not go on forever in limbo. At the end of the fifth year of their relationship, she terminated it. Sue felt that she had given Rod enough time and needed to move on. She was convinced that a marriage could never work between her and someone who did not share her faith and could not make up his mind about something so important.

Not everyone has that kind of resolve. Falling in love can be a precarious posture. Extending the metaphor, we could say that falling in love is the beginning of a long way down. Where will it lead us to? What rules will we set aside? How will we take rationalisation to the next level?

Now we’ve learnt more about the various possibilities and situations regarding unequal yoke. But if we know of someone or are personally struggling in such a situation, are there any principles we can follow to guide us? Please listen to our next episode this coming Thursday. Stay tune and goodbye!

Love Changes Everything

Andrew Lloyd Webber 

https://youtu.be/jZ6fpoHwqxc

奔跑不放棄 Won't Give Up 詞、曲：曾祥怡 Grace Tseng © 2015 Stream of Praise Music / BMI. CCLI #2351995 讚美之泉版權所有

https://youtu.be/WC6bCBSgNtQ