Hello friends! Last week we talked about three typical scenarios that were regarded as unequal yoke issues between believers and non-believers.

Not only marriage or family life, work colleagues may also encounter conflicts for having different values. Today, we will continue to talk a bit more about this issue in the work place and church groups as well.

We had heard about how Ken and Frank made a successful business but eventually showed signs of breaking up as the values regarding making profits while having a work-life balance differ greatly between a Christian and a non-Christian. Business partnerships can work successfully if partners share the same values. For example, they could agree that money should not be the only bottom line. They could commit themselves to work-life balance and never put work above their families. Those of other faiths or no faith could agree with believers to practise integrity in all their dealings.

But should differences of a fundamental nature surface (such as in the example of Ken and Frank), the partnership will have to be reviewed—and in some cases, brought to a close.

The same may be said of partnerships between church groups and churches, or between Christians and members of other religions. Some situations, as outlined by the apostle Paul, are clear-cut: the choice between light and darkness, Christ and Belial, the house of God and idols. No church would allow pagan idols or rites in its sanctuary. Neither should it condone unbiblical practices or tolerate clear violation of biblical teachings.

For instance, one pastor called Pastor Dan agonised over the path his denomination had decided to take. The highest ruling body had endorsed the ordination of an openly gay bishop. His church and other churches within the denomination had spoken against such a move, but their voices had been overruled by the majority. How could he remain in a body that had clearly gone against the teachings of the Scripture? After all, there could be no fellowship between truth and falsehood, holiness and uncleanliness.

When the ordination eventually took place, Pastor Dan (along with other pastors) took their churches out of the denomination. They obeyed the call to ‘separate’ from the unequal yoke. But they did it at a price -leaving behind properties they had bought and church buildings they had built. They did it because they could no longer walk in the same direction with those who had chosen a different path.

Such extreme measures should never be taken lightly or quickly. Much prayer and thought must go into understanding what we are separating from. If the issue does not impinge on fundamental beliefs and practices, there may not be an unequal yoke or a reason to separate.

In another example, Pastor Amos received an invitation to join a group of religious leaders representing the different faith in his country. To promote racial and religious harmony, the government had sponsored the bringing together of Buddhist monks, Hindu priests, Muslim imams and Christian pastors, along with other community leaders, for the expressed purpose to foster friendship, mutual respect and tolerance among people of different faith. Initially, Pastor Amos hesitated, wondering what his parishioners would think if they saw him amongst other religious leaders and seeming to approve of their non-Christian teachings. But he was assured that it would solely be a social gathering with no religious rites.

So he attended and enjoyed meeting others like him who valued peace in a multi-ethnic society. All of them were united in wanting to avoid religious tensions and conflicts found in other parts of the world. It was a worthy cause and Pastor Amos was glad to be a part of it.

In such a case, all had one aim in mind: racial and religious harmony. They could not be charged for an unequal yoke. It is important we do not separate ourselves from others (be they Christian or non-Christian) for any and every reason. The apostle Paul warns us that if we try to do this, we might as well leave the world, and live on another planet!

In 1 Corinthians 5:9–10 it says: In my previous letter I said, ‘Don’t mix with the immoral.’ I didn’t mean, of course, that you were to have no contacts at all with the immoral of this world… for that would mean going out of the world altogether!

The unequal yoke, then, has to be clearly understood. A yoke refers to a partnership where two or more parties join hands and walk together. When they are very fundamentally different, they will invariably walk in different directions. We have applied this to businesses as well as ecclesiastical partnerships. Fateful as such unequal yokes may be, they cannot be compared in seriousness with the third kind of partnership - marriage. In the former two partnerships, liaisons made can be terminated. In marriage, it is for life, only in death does this partnership ends.

Let’s recall the three scenarios mentioned in the last episode. Whether it starting a romantic relationship, getting engaged or a disagreement with a partner related to Christian belief, all of them lead to a final target which is harmony and a pleasant marriage. Marriage is a partnership that lasts a lifetime. Once committed, husband and wife will walk together, for better or for worse, for as long as they shall live. With an unequal yoke, the road ahead for them presents thorny issues and difficult challenges.

But why do all these unequal yoke cases happen when most know well about the works of the Bible and teachings of the church? Perhaps we should first discuss how people fall in love.

Falling in love - how did the metaphor of falling come to describe love? Well, a fall is unintentional. We fall when we trip or miss a step. Unless we’re faking it, falling takes us by surprise. Falling hurts - it is embarrassing, unpleasant, even painful. Why speak of something as beautiful as love in those terms? But perhaps the metaphor holds some truth about romantic love. It hits us when we least expect. As Christine sings in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Love Never Dies”, the sequel to The Phantom of the Opera:

Who knows when love begins

Who knows what makes it start?

One day it’s simply there,

 Alive inside your heart.

It slips into your thoughts,

It infiltrates your soul,

It takes you by surprise,

Then seizes full control.

If that’s true, falling in love may take us where we never intended to go. For church-going young people, few set out to find a non-Christian life partner. For those from Christian families, they know their parents are unlikely to approve. Their pastors have probably preached on the unequal yoke before and warned against it. Yet, when marriageable young adults move out into the working world or leave home to study abroad, they ‘fall’ in love in ways they may not expect. They find budding romantic relationships with non-Christians. Such relationships are easily available and strangely appealing. Such a turn of events should not be surprising, for there are a number of reasons why it happens.

Firstly, Christians are often a minority in most work or study environments. A Christian pairing off with another Christian in these settings is less likely than a Christian going with someone of another faith or no faith. Statistically, since single Christian women often outnumber single Christian men, the former are more likely to strike up romantic relationships with non-Christian men. In 1985, the Graduates’ Christian Fellowship of Singapore published a paper on “The Phenomenon of Sex Imbalance in the Churches” which surveyed 5,809 church-goers and 773 Sunday school children in 13 churches. A consultation was held on 16 July 1985 for pastors and church leaders during which the findings and implications were presented.

The findings show without a doubt that there are many more females in the churches. This situation is most serious where the singles are concerned, with females outnumbering males in all age groups (ratio being 3:2). This phenomenon is already acute among those below 29 years of age without mentioning those of 30 to 39 years of age. This also affects to a very large extent the better educated women. The phenomenon exists in all churches.

Though the survey was done some three decades ago, the situation today remains more or less the same. The report notes the effects of such an imbalance:

A regrettable effect is that many of our most faithful Christian females against their own desires may not be able to find life partners. Some might marry non-Christians and hopefully bring their spouses to the Lord, while others may be turned away from the Lord.

Secondly, those who have grown up together in the church may exhibit a more ‘brother-sister’ relationship. The survey makes this observation:

After exposure to each other for many years in Sunday school, a brother-sister complex develops. Unless they are able to see each other in a new light, they will not consider each other as potential spouses.

They treat one another like members of the same family. In some churches, they may address each other as ‘brother’ or ‘sister’. As such, they may be good friends but find it hard to think of each other as a potential husband or wife. It’s not surprising then that they find romance outside the church.

It’s an interesting view to analyse the difficulties in finding a Christian spouse, and it’s probably helpful for us to come up with some ideas to change our current situation and make better marriage plans for our young Christians in the future. There are more reasons for unequal yoke around us, and we’ll tell you more of them next week. Stay tuned and goodbye!

這一生最美的祝福 The Gift of Knowing You (15)

詞 李信儀 曲 游智婷  讚美之泉《讓愛走動》

© 2015 Stream of Praise Music / BMI. CCLI #2351995 讚美之泉版權所有