Have you ever wondered why Christians like to share their life testimonies with others? As Christians, we hope that through the sharing of testimonies, we can give others encouragements and reminder of God’s goodness. Perhaps you are a parent, so when you have parents’ gatherings, you would certainly share about how you handle or take care of your children with other parents. You share, interact and learn from each other in the process, and your experiences become a blessing to others!

In today’s program, we will share about sister Michelle’s personal experience as a parent and her relationships with her children. You will gain some practical tips from Michelle’s sharing. Through her testimonies, we hope that it will bring blessings to the relationship with your children as well.

Michelle: “I am Michelle. My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and we have a son and a daughter. We love to worship God together as a family, and we also love to travel together. We have family worship once a week and the family worship enhances our bonding and enriches our spiritual lives.  Our annual family vacation is a time when we get away from all other things, and we truly relax and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company.”

After 7 years of marriage, God gave Michelle and her husband their first child, Josh. His Chinese name pronunciation is Zhen Dian, after Cantonese pronunciation of “Yan Dian” which means God’s grace. Three and a half years later, God gave them their second child, Priscilla, Chinese name Zhen Hui, after Cantonese pronunciation of “Yan Wai” which also means God’s grace.  Michelle and her husband realized that there is no “one single measure” and shortcut to bring up their children. Instead, they have to use different methods according to the child’s personality, to “start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it”. They pondered seriously on their roles and responsibilities as parents. Is letting their children “be well-fed, good in studies, then come the good character” an appropriate concept? In different areas of our society today, including politics and businesses, we truly witness plenty of office politics, intriguing family disputes, and competition for properties. Aren’t the people involved in the abovementioned situations also those who have grown up from families with concept of "well fed, good in studies, then come the good character”? Where does the problem lie? What can parents do to prevent their children from becoming involved in those circumstances, and lead a blessed life at the same time?

So, Michelle and her husband studied the Bible and the Bible clearly tells us that the greatest responsibility as parents is to observe God’s command and to guide their children to observe His command, as this is beyond our wisdom and a path that will bless all generations. Human’s wisdom is “wealth not lasting more than three generations, but we still keep chasing after it”. On the other hand, God’s wisdom is showing love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.

The two of them agreed that their foremost important responsibility is to bring their children to God. To let God’s Word be their compass for all their lives and to be a blessing to generations after them. God gave all of us children who have different personalities, and with every personality, comes its own weaknesses and strengths.  During the process of them growing up, Michelle and her husband observed carefully their children’s personality. They discovered that their son, Josh, belongs to the SI type and he enjoys playing and gets energized with people. He has a lot of friends and the parents always had trouble finding him after church service. For Josh, his most important lesson was to learn “responsibility” and “work”. As such, they gave him a “Daily Timetable” since he was Primary 1, with the domestic helper overseeing the implementation of it. By the time Josh was in Secondary school, he could complete his tasks independently without any supervision.

Then, how about sister Priscilla? Priscilla belongs to the DC type; studying is her keen interest and doing homework is her strength. When she saw past year test papers, her reaction was to immediately complete three or four papers at one go. Priscilla most important lessons were to learn to control her temper and to make friends. Therefore, when she returned home from school every day, they would make it a point to ask her how many friends she made the day.  They would then praise or encourage her. They also helped her to slowly express and manage her anger.

As the children grew up, Michelle and her husband were also learning in the process, with the Holy Spirit to serve as their constant reminder. Communication always serves as a bridge, and love serves to cover all our mistakes. Regardless the personalities that God has given the children, every parent should use specific and suitable methods per each child’s needs and personality. This can then help the children build unique and positive personality and deserving character, which will allow them to step into a society that can be filled with turbulence.

Michelle believes that majority of the Chinese families do not lack disciplining children.  What may be lacking is the ability to implement discipline while maintaining a close relationship. Michelle is thankful for a past opportunity to teach this topic, and as a teacher, she had to examine the relevant verses and read many related spiritual books. To achieve the secret of maintaining a close relationship while implementing discipline, the first step is to create a complete, praise-filled, encouraging and optimistic environment for the children. Michelle and her husband started to pay more attention and intentionally look for chances to praise their two children. For example, Michelle would say, “Wow, Josh, you finished doing your homework without any reminder from Mummy; you have shown self-initiative!” or “Wow, Josh, you helped your sister to carry her heavy school bag, how loving you are!” Michelle would also say something such as the below to encourage Priscilla “Wow, Priscilla, you made two new friends today, you are excellent!” and “Wow, Priscilla, you ate quickly today!”

Other than this, the couple would also express their love to their children by saying, “I love you” and “I miss you”. To allow the family to convey their intentions and words of encouragement continuously in a more direct and convenient way, the couple gave their children mobile phones (not smart phones) to send messages when they grew older. This method was especially effective when one of them was away on business trip overseas. Although they are not beside each other, the communication never stops even today. The aim of this is to build a healthy, praise-filled and encouraging environment for the children. This would then help them to be self-confident, independent, self-loving and forge close relationships with each other.

Having heard all these, aren’t you curious how Josh and Priscilla were like? Were they like any other children who also have their naughty and disobedient instances? Of course! Every child behaves like that occasionally. When faced with such situations, will Michelle and her husband reprimand them? In respond to this, Michelle is insistent on one point: when a child makes mistake, parents must be able to implement a punishment in love. It would not affect the parent-child relationship, but help to cultivate self-control in the children. If this self-control is not strong, they may inevitably get themselves into troubles whether today or in the future. For example, this self-control is certainly important in the areas of addition to computer games, throwing tantrums, financial temptations and extramarital affairs.

Michelle and Jimmy’s methods used to discipline children are as follows: Firstly, respect them, and do not punish them in front of everyone. Secondly, let them voice out what they have done wrong to ensure that they understand and admit their mistakes. Thirdly, use examples from the Bible or Bible verses to set standards for what good behavior should be like. Then, ask them how they would like to be punished, to allow their parents to know their thoughts, but parents still hold the final (and appropriate) decisions. After executing the punishments, give them a hug and a kiss to let them know that their parents only object their actions, not their persons. Let them know that it is out of love that parents execute discipline, such that they may grow to be pleasing in God’s eyes. Lastly, lead them to make a prayer of confession.

Although they cannot guarantee their children’s future, they can only do their best as parents and be accountable to God. They strongly believe that with God’s Word strongly rooted in their children’s heart and being taught to be fearful to God from a young age, their children can learn to glorify God, provide to the society, and be a wise person in this society filled with tribulations and temptations.