In the previous program, we heard from sister Michelle and her helper, sister Aggie, on their testimonies of employer and helper relationship. Through their sharing, we learnt valuable lessons on how to build and maintain a good relationship, particularly from the standpoint of a domestic helper.

In the final episode, let us see from the standpoint of the employer, sister Michelle, on how she copes with this relationship.

Michelle’s sharing

“The statuses of an employer and a helper are in fact equal despite differences in their roles and responsibilities. We are all created in the image and likeness of God and we are therefore equally precious in His eyes. The relationship between our family and Aggie is not limited to employer and helper relationship; we are friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. Aggie is our good helper and even more, our family.”

Let God lead the way in hiring of helper

Michelle and her husband decided to look for a helper to look after their son back in year 2000. They committed this issue to God and prayed about it. At that time, they had five key requirements on this domestic helper which they prayed to God for.

Firstly, she must be able to speak English as Michelle had already forgotten how to speak Malay and her husband is unable to speak Malay at all. Communication is important and English is the only language that they could communicate effectively in.

Secondly, the helper must attend church as her faith and values can influence the young children. In addition, attending church and listening to God’s Word is also beneficial to the helper, her soul and spirit.

Thirdly, Michelle hoped that the helper is between 30 to 50 years old, preferably married, as she believed that people in this age category are more matured.

Fourthly, the helper should have children of her own, so then would she know how to take care of Michelle’s children.

Lastly, the helper should have worked previously as a teacher or nurse as Michelle felt that people in these occupations are more caring and patient.

Michelle committed the above requests to God and God’s response exceeded her expectations. He prepared a helper who fulfilled her first four requirements. Although Aggie has never worked in Philippines, neither a teacher nor nurse, she is a very caring person and someone Michelle was looking for. Therefore, she felt that God had answered all her requirements and had given her even more. Aggie likes to cook and this has allowed Michelle’s family to open their house for fellowships and meetings. At the same time, Aggie also realized that she could use her culinary skills to serve God!

Throughout this whole process, Michelle felt relatively at peace as she knew God had opened a way for her. She was very grateful and extremely hopeful when Aggie arrived.

Getting along

Michelle felt that Aggie belongs to part of their family; the differences that separate them is in their workplaces and work natures. It is apparent that all of them are contributing to the family even though the couple work outside and Aggie works at home. They have meals at the same table and Aggie shared the same bedroom as Michelle’s daughter until year 2010. They shared everything and they watched TV and played together. As Michelle and her husband have stayed overseas in the past, they could understand the difficulties being a foreigner in an unfamiliar environment. They could also understand Aggie’s feelings of having to leave her family and coming to work in an alien place.

Whenever someone mentions Aggie, Michelle would refer Aggie as her helper instead of her maid. Michelle felt that the word “maid” gives off the feeling that she belongs to a lower status and she felt that she had no authority to call her “maid”. After all, Aggie had left her own child and family behind for long period of time to come here and help her. Hence Michelle felt that the term “helper” is a more appropriate description for Aggie’s role.

Since Aggie is a helper, she must be responsible for many things at home. Unlike conventions, they did not give her a timetable or a task list to complete. Instead Aggie is in control of her own tasks. Aggie’s job is to tidy up the house and she has the freedom to plan her time daily. Michelle believes that this allows Aggie to be happier at work. Putting herself in Aggie’s shoes, Michelle imagined that if she were to work at home, she would not be so hardworking to do so much housework every day and thus she did not demand for Aggie to do so.

Aggie gets along so well with the family to the extent that Michelle’s daughter once asked Michelle if she could call Aggie “mummy” when Michelle is not at home. Michelle laughed and told her no, because she cannot have two mummies. However, she can call Aggie Godmother because she cares for them and takes good care of them. You would have agreed with me that Michelle’s daughter is indeed a very sweet girl.

All the above sounds very ideal, however, there are bound to be situations when differences in opinions arise. And how should we handle that? Michelle would choose to pray and talk about it rather than hiding it in her heart: the situation would not change for the better if they hide it in their hearts but instead would only worsen. Pray for wisdom so that the problem can be addressed with appropriate words. Michelle shared an example. While they were still staying in a HDB flat, they asked Aggie if she could wash their car once a week as it was difficult to find car-washing services there. They were also willingly to pay her more for the hard work. However, Aggie kept this matter in her heart and only told them her opinion two days later. Aggie felt that it was unsafe for her to wash the car alone downstairs and her permit only allowed her to work within household. After listening to her opinion, Michelle agreed and told her that she did not have to wash the car. Through communication, they understood her predicament and even if the law allowed her to do the job, they would not demand her to do it, if she felt unsafe. Basic mutual respect is also a very important aspect in their employer and helper relationship.

Then how about the children? Michelle has requested for her children to call Aggie “auntie” and told them that she is their elder and they should treat her like other elders. For example, they greet Aggie “good morning” when they wake up and “good afternoon” when they return home from school. When the children caused Aggie to be angry, Michelle would teach them to admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. It is also important for parents to know that children should do things that they can do by themselves, such as keeping toys, because helper is not here to help them do things that they have the ability to do by themselves.

 Michelle’s view of a good employer.

People who have been to Michelle’s house and met Aggie would comment that Michelle has such a good helper! And how did she get such a good helper? The answer is : Michelle herself has to become a good employer first.

Someone asked Michelle what she thinks a good employer should be like and this is her reply: “As a Christian, I believe God places certain people in our lives for certain purposes. I therefore believe that our helper is not just around to help us when God brought her to our family; He is also using us as a channel to bless her. For example, the employer can lead the helper to Christ if she still has not believed in God; employer can also help and encourage her to get to know Christ better and draw closer to Him if she is already a believer. That means we should give her time to read the Bible and refrain from demanding her to work from morning to night. In addition, if we can enjoy pay rise and benefits, we should in turn bless our helper with what God has given us. We can increase her pay, give her bonus, buy her gifts or treat her to a meal during her birthday. This allows us to be channel of blessing and to pass on God’s blessing and grace to her life."

People often ask Michelle how she can find such a good helper and how can she tell if the helper is good or not. In Michelle’s opinion, other than possessing a good character, the helper must also perform her duties loyally. She also believes that someone who loves and obeys God is naturally a good helper.

Michelle has a special reminder to the families looking to hire helpers. In comparison to many other countries, Singapore is an advanced and highly efficient country. Many of the helpers come from developing countries, and the way they work and their level of efficiency may not be on par with what we are used to. Their expectations towards the quality of work also may not be as high as ours. Therefore, the employers in Singapore should also sympathize and be more patient towards them. It is also important that no matter which country the helper is from, Sunday should be a rest day for them, because this is a basic need for everybody. Just ask yourself “Who would want to work at a job that has no rest days for the whole year? Also, the Bible teaches us that we should observe Sunday as the Lord's day and this is a commandment from God.” Of course, we often hear concerns from employers that they are reluctant to let their helpers have rest days as they don’t know what kind of companies the helpers hang out with on their rest days. What if she learns something bad or got to know bad friends? And what's Michelle’s response to this? In all honesty, humans always worry about many things but we should learn to cast all our worries to God and choose to obey God’s Word.

For Michelle, all employers should have a human equality mindset. The statuses of an employer and helper are the same despite differences in their roles and responsibilities. We are all created in the image and likeness of God and we are therefore equally precious in His eyes. That also means that no matter what mistakes the helper has made, as employers we do not have the authority to attack them verbally or even physically abuse them. If we do the above, we not only offend God, we are committing sin against God Himself.

Should we delete the section below? This is a repeat from AEL (7).

Aggie’s sharing

"Hi, I am Aggie. I am away from home to work in Singapore in order to give my family, especially my son, a better life. I am thankful to God for leading me to Madam Michelle's home because in this family, I am being respected and accepted; I truly enjoy working here. I hope that all employers and helpers may respect each other and trust each other, because I believe this will bring great blessing to both parties."