In current society, it is becoming increasingly common for both parents to be working, and domestic helpers have become a need that many families cannot do without. Sometimes, we call them aunties; sometimes we call them baby sitters; sometimes we address them directly as workers or maids. Regardless how we address them, they are mostly females who come from overseas. They help us to clean house, cook, look after young children and/or elderly, so that couples who are working, are freed from having to do all these.

Many families rely heavily on these domestic helpers. However, we also see how difficult it could be when a person with different culture, language, background and lifestyle has to stay under the same household over a long period of time. There needs to be a lot of tolerance and effective communication between different parties. If the relationship is handled badly, it often results in a lot of conflicts, grudges, hatred and sometimes even hurt and violet. Let’s see how Aggie, Michelle’s domestic helper handles this employer and employee relationship.

Back in year 2000, when Michelle’s son had just started nursery, he kept falling sick, almost on alternate week in the first three to six months in the nursery. Michelle and her husband took leave to take care of him and in the end, they quickly exhausted all their annual leaves. It was also difficult to often ask help from Michelle’s mother who lived in Malaysia, as she had to take care of her grandchildren there. During that period, they were not picky with their meals and had to make do with what could be prepared very quickly after work. After much praying, God prepared a helper to take care of their family. As a result, Aggie came to be a member of this family.

"Hi, I am Aggie. I am away from home to work in Singapore to give my family, especially my son, a better life. I am thankful to God for leading me to Madam Michelle's home because in this family, I am being respected and accepted; I truly enjoy working here. I hope that all employers and helpers may respect each other and trust each other, because I believe this will bring great blessing to both parties."

Michelle’s helper, sister Aggie, is a Pilipino. She has been a domestic helper in Singapore for almost 23 years and have served a total of 6 employers, both local and from overseas. It was to provide a bright future for her son. Wages were low in her country and the income of a teacher in Philippine was even lower than a helper in Singapore. To allow her family and loved ones to have a more promising future, Aggie had no other choice, but to leave home.

Initially, when Aggie just arrived, she was filled with unease. To have to stay with complete strangers of different ethnic group has involuntarily made her feel fearful. Her mind was filled with questions such as: “Will I be able to adapt?”, “Will I feel safe?”. Aggie had no confidence at all. Only through relying on God and relentlessly praying, slowly, she managed to overcome her initial fear and sense of insecurities.

When Aggie first arrived, the first difficulty she had to overcome was language. Although the family she served speaks English as well, but as the accent and vocabulary used here is different, it was difficult for her to understand and communicate effectively. Other than language, the second challenge was to adapt to a change in lifestyle. Aggie suddenly felt that she had lost her freedom because she had to ask her employer for permission prior to whatever she wanted to do or eat, and wherever she wanted to go. Culture was the third challenge for her and it required time for her to understand and adapt. For example, in Philippine, greetings are not limited to verbal greetings, but it is also common to greet others with a smile. However, in Singapore, greeting with a smile, especially to opposite gender, may result in misunderstanding that you have a liking towards the person you greet. All the above challenges were not easy to overcome. When Aggie felt depressed, she would return to her room, close the door and pray to God. She always believes that God will listen as long as she sincerely tells Him her worries and pain.

In the past 23 years of her being a domestic helper in Singapore, Aggie stayed the longest in Michelle’s house. Why is she able to stay for so long and maintain such a harmonious relationship with the family? Aggie personally felt that Michelle and her whole family has treated her very well, and they see her as part of the family. The whole family is very generous and they share everything, including food and necessities with her. Aggie is also off work and is not required to do any housework on every Sunday. Michelle often tells Aggie that Sunday is Sabbath day, so she should go to church and worship God. Michelle does not give Aggie any stress regarding daily household chores and she can plan her own time to complete the chores, as long as the house is maintained clean and tidy. When she is tired, Aggie can read the newspaper, watch TV or computer. Aggie also watched television with Michelle’s family. The two children also treat Aggie with much respect and they call her auntie. Their behavior could be attributed to the example that Michelle has set for them as she taught them to treat Aggie politely and with respect.

With regards to Aggie’s wages, they have been very generous and have increased Aggie’s pay many times in the past 17 years that she has worked for them. Sometimes when they were shopping at the supermarket, Aggie would also put into the trolley for the items she wanted to get for herself, thinking that she would pay for them later. But the couple would not accept the money, claiming that it is just a small amount and there is no need to be calculative about it. They would also give Aggie extra money to help pay for her son’s education. In this household, Aggie and Michelle’s family truly felt like a family. The home is filled with laughter, allowing Aggie to truly feel God’s presence.

Aggie’s sharing of a good employer

Someone once asked Aggie what is considered a good employer and this was her reply: “To me, a good employer is one with love and compassion. She should be willing to listen to my thoughts. For example, when I am sick or feeling unwell, a good employer would take the initiative to care for me. I will feel touched even if it is a small action such as advising me to take medicine or bringing me to visit the doctor. When my employer treats me in this manner, I will feel warm in heart despite being unwell. I feel that a good employer is also one who understands. I hope that my employer allows me to finish the chores the next day if I am unable to complete it on the day itself as I am also human and would have days I feel tired or down. With an understanding and undemanding employer, I will be able to finish my work easily. A good employer is also one who is kind-hearted and generous, willing to share food with her helper instead of being stingy and afraid of letting her have the food. I feel that it is the responsibility of a good employer to provide nutritious food to the helper so that she will have sufficient stamina and energy to complete her daily tasks.

Lastly, a good employer should also trust her helper since the very beginning and it is helpful for establishing a long-lasting and cohesive relationship. An example would be to trust the helper and leave their children under the care of the helper whenever they are overseas."

Aggie’s sharing of a good helper

Another person also asked Aggie her opinion of a good helper and this was her reply: “Personally, I believe that a good helper is hardworking. She completes her tasks without complains even when she is tired. She needs to be honest and admits her mistakes, especially when she has done something wrong. By being honest, she could then build trust with the employer. She should also finish her work responsibly, and does her best to take care of

the house and children.” Aggie concludes that if someone wants to go overseas to be a helper, she needs to prepare herself physically, mentally and emotionally. The most important is to always walk with God, never stop praying and always surrendering to Him, and He will give her peace and open a way for her.

Should this "Michelle's sharing" be deleted? This is a repeat in AEL (8) --

Michelle’s sharing

“The statues of an employer and helper are equal despite differences in their roles and responsibilities. We are all created in the image and likeness of God and we are therefore equally precious in His eyes. The relationship between our family and Aggie is not limited to employer and helper relationship; we are friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. Aggie is our good helper and even more, our family.”

From the above sharing, we see that Aggie and Michelle’s family enjoy a good relationship. However, this does not come naturally. There were a few occasions of conflicts or unease. There was once when Aggie made Michelle’s then three-year-old son cry accidentally by saying something inappropriate while helping him to change. At the time, Michelle had just walked out of her bedroom and sternly told Aggie that she should not have said that. After the incident, Michelle could sense that Aggie was unhappy and she did not speak for two days. Michelle prayed and asked God to first compose her heart, and then gave her the suitable words to say and the courage to face the situation. After praying, Michelle found a chance to speak to Aggie alone and she apologized for her sternness. With the hope to start anew and learn together, Michelle also spoke to her about speaking appropriately, as a lesson they should learn as Christians. With the help of God’s power and love, they used this small incident as a chance to open their hearts and speak their minds; the misunderstanding got resolved and thus, their relationship deepened.