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Breakthrough (03) : Divorce and Self-Help at Borders

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  • Breakthrough (03) : Divorce and Self-Help at Borders
Jimmy Ong
18 Oct 2018

Hello friends! Last week, we heard of Jimmy’s rise and fall in his impressive career – from being a Managing Director to filing for bankruptcy, all before the age of 30. In this episode, let’s follow Jimmy as he carries the burden of humiliation and regret. Would he be able to free himself from his troubles and carry on with his life?

 

By 1997, Jimmy and Lindy came to a decision to go their separate ways. When Lindy filed for divorce, Jimmy let Lindy have their Yishun flat as her alimony. However, despite their legal separation, they tried their best make things work for the sake of their children. For four years, Jimmy still lived at home but in a separate room. However, their marriage was beyond repair. Jimmy and Lindy made the divorce final in 2001.

 

Officially, Jimmy took Shaun who was then 8 years old under his custody while Lindy took Demi who was then 9 years old. However, because the kids spent most of their time with Lindy, Jimmy and Lindy decided not to make them live separately. Jimmy moved out alone and stayed in a rented flat. Sometimes, he would stay with friends or with his sister, Annie, in Yishun.

 

After the divorce, Jimmy tried his best to give his children a stable and happy childhood. He put up a strong front for them, although he clearly was hurting inside over his failed marriage and broken family. As Jimmy could not share his inner pain with his loved ones, he started to go clubbing and drinking every night to drown his sorrows.

 

One night, while clubbing, Jimmy met a lady called Jac. He introduced himself as “Jimmy”.

“What’s your surname?” she asked.

“Ong.” Jimmy replied.

Jac was curious about Jimmy and continued to ask, “What’s your full name? Don’t you have a Chinese name? Are you hiding something?”

 

Jac told Jimmy that she had seen him around for a while now and noticed that he always walked into the club with his head hanging low. They talked some more and became good friends. As a high-flier in a big company, Jac was a great source of emotional support during that difficult time. She also taught Jimmy how to carry himself better and some social etiquettes to follow.

 

So, did Jimmy feel better since then? Of course not. Life never seems to give people a break, especially those who are already having a difficult time.

 

At work, a new boss called CK Eng suddenly joined his company. Jimmy was already very tensed due to his financial and family problems. CK added to his frustrations by really pushing his buttons. He was a very demanding boss who expected Jimmy to deliver results fast. To CK, work was work and employees were expected to do their job even if they had their own personal problems to struggle with. Furthermore, Jimmy and CK had clashing work styles—CK was a boss who only cared about data, processes and results. Jimmy, on the other hand, preferred working with people and personalities.

 

CK made things very difficult for Jimmy. With all his troubles – bankruptcy, divorce and financial debts – Jimmy felt that he could not handle it anymore. He decided to resign and became jobless again.

 

As Jimmy’s problems continued to pile up, Jimmy experienced a lot self-doubt. He started questioning himself about the choices he made in the past years.  “What’s happening to me? Why are people not seeing me for who I am? What has gone wrong?”

 

Fortunately, Jimmy had a very supportive family. They offered him a place to stay whenever he needed one. With their strong support, Jimmy decided to face life head on and went through the tedious process of looking for work again.

 

While applying for jobs, Jimmy finally realised that his lack of paper qualifications was a huge disadvantage to both his job search and in his life. Hence, he really regretted not finishing his education. Jimmy tried to think positively of what his own strengths were instead. But, to his dismay, he found that he had none. In his mind, all he had were failures!

 

But Jimmy did not give up. He realised that he could actually turn his failures into opportunities by sharing his experiences with people. With that in mind, Jimmy searched online and registered with a UK training group. Then, he took a three-day course in Kuala Lumpur to become a certified trainer.

 

This was Jimmy’s first paper qualification. Even though it was nothing much, it was his own baby step towards achieving more in his life. After becoming certified, Jimmy wanted to start a training business as he still had no luck securing a job. He wrote to the Insolvency and Public Trustee’s Office (IPTO) to seek permission to start up his new business. However, he was rejected.

 

Seeing Jimmy’s problem, his good friend from the club, Jac, asked her friend to get Jimmy a job at 7-Eleven. By that time, Jimmy was already desperate enough to do anything even if it was a job he would never have looked twice at before. To end his frustrations over being unemployed and dependent on others, Jimmy accepted this job offer.

 

So, how did Jimmy fare in his new job at 7-Eleven?

 

To Jimmy, working at 7-Eleven in the Geylang district was an eye-opening experience. As he was tasked to work the night shifts, he would often encounter gang clashes outside the store. In fact, one night, some of the gang members came inside to take refuge beside Jimmy behind the counter. Talk about having an ’exciting’ job! It was such a scene Jimmy never expected.

 

While he was also working at 7-Eleven, Jimmy did some serious soul-searching. He wondered how he could have failed so badly and thought of how he could improve his situation. Hence, with no paper qualifications to fall back on, Jimmy realised that what he could do is to improve his own ’personal brand’!

 

With those intentions in mind, Jimmy started his own ‘self-help’ sessions at the now-defunct Borders bookstore. As he worked the night shifts, he was quite free in the day time. Hence, he would take a one-hour bus ride from Yishun to Orchard Road to read self-help books. Each day, Jimmy chose a topic, such as personal branding, and then pick books based on that. He would spend the whole day reading in the bookstore. Sometimes, he takes down notes by writing on a notebook. Jimmy tried his very best to make sense of what he read and remember them by heart. When evening came, he would hide his unfinished books in a corner, so he could continue reading them the next day.

 

After two months of working at 7-Eleven, Jimmy finally had a stroke of good luck! His ex-boss, Mr Lau, called and asked Jimmy if he was keen to explore the overseas market for the company. Of course, Jimmy said yes without hesitation! An appointment was set for an interview.

 

As luck would have it, CK, the same person who had driven Jimmy to resign at his previous company was the interviewer. Luckily, he was nice during the interview, but Jimmy was not sure if he finally empathised with him or was just following an instruction from Mr Lau. Whichever it was, Jimmy was offered the position of Assistant Sales Manager with a monthly salary of $4,000. Jimmy told himself that he had to do everything right this time. He simply could not afford to fail again.

 

However, due to his debts, Jimmy still carried a lot of shame with him even after he got this new and prestigious job. This was the burden Jimmy carried for years which he simply could not remove from his heart. Thankfully, Jimmy had his son, Shaun, under his custody. His son never failed to comfort Jimmy during his darkest period – in fact, Shaun used to tell Jimmy that he loved his father for who Jimmy was even when Jimmy was in the dumps. With Jimmy’s determination and support from his beloved son, Jimmy finally ready to step out of his sufferings and moved forward towards a brighter future.

 

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

 

Let’s sincerely congratulate Jimmy for ending his unemployment and finally settling down in a reliable job! With Jimmy’s new determination to improve himself, would Jimmy’s life finally get better from now on? Come and listen to his story next Thursday. Stay tuned and good bye!

 

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