Welcome, fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers. Welcome to ‘The World Needs A Father’ chapter 10, it’s on restoring damage – We bond in weakness, not in strength.

Restoring damage, actually it’s all about saying: I’m so sorry. Have you actually realized that what area you have actually done wrong? What area we have not doing at all, or what could be doing better. This is something I always ask myself, and also something that I also would like to ask my family. In my household on Sunday, we actually have this session where we actually talk to one another. And I actually reflect on what I actually done wrong and ask for apologies. What I’ve not done at all, and maybe I ask my children. Or what could I have actually have done better? And it's actually on Sunday, because Sunday we come and worship God together. And we want to bond in weakness, not in strength.

And also how many times have you actually asked for forgiveness from your child, your children or spouse, your wife, for the things you did wrong? And what are some of the things maybe you still need to ask forgiveness for. It's actually something that's really very good, because it really free us to actually love one another and serve one another. Your children and your wife  is a mirror of who you are. And if they are happy, you are also happy. And it improves relationship and also restore damage.

So how do we restore the damage of the past? Again, the main thing is about bonding in weakness, not in strength. Number one, we need to stop the vain game. A lot of times when we justify ourselves, it’s the opposite of moving forward and weakness? A lot of times, if we don't own our failures, we cannot correct them. So a wrong reaction to transgression is just as bad. The second thing is we need to stop playing the shame game. Self-pity is actually something that is very disruptive. It enslaves and not liberates. Playing the victim does not really set us free or serve anyone at all. We feel victimized and we feel weak. To own the problem we actually need to step towards the solution, not towards the self-pity spa.

So how can we actually heal from this inner wounds that we have and to be free and to be joyful? Number one, we need to own the problem. Number two, we need to ask for forgiveness, and also forgive the person, do not blame the person or shame the person. Number three, we need to walk in inner victory, and actually invite them to walk in inner victory with us, and then walk together by making amendments and moving forward together as a family.

So we need to number one own the problem. Have we actually identified what is the wound? Something that you may have actually realized, that you have actually caused wound? You cause people to feel tear or feel scared to actually talked about to you. We want to know where it came from and why it caused so much pain. Sometimes we need to ask the person to understand the damage that we actually caused in our lives. We also need to acknowledge that we make a mistake. And then we want to ask for forgiveness. And actually asking for forgiveness is actually about coming together and hugging each other. My youngest daughter always point mummy and say, ‘mummy give daddy a hug’ after I ask for forgiveness. So I think really is about really naming the wound, how we have been wounded. Really sometimes saying ‘daddy has actually done this, I'm so sorry I make you feel this way. Daddy that he has actually neglected to do this. I'm so sorry. Can you help me? Can you forgive me?’ So it’s asking for forgiveness?

So in asking for forgiveness is really also about forgiving the person. We apply and we hear the forgiveness for ourselves. Our children really love us, our children actually so openly forgive us. And plead the blood of Jesus Christ to cover all this generational sins and heal it. You know there was once when I was much younger, I was driving one day and my twins are actually sitting behind in the car, and they were talking and talking and talking. And after I parked the car, I was waiting to go down, but they are still talking. So what I did was I actually left the car. And my daughters were so absorbed, they were just talking that they actually suddenly realize that daddy is not  in the car anymore and they're left all alone. And actually they started crying. And actually I felt sad about it. I thought they were traumatised, because they couldn't find me. They were actually around just 5 years old at the time, just talking, talking, talking. So it has really wear of me for so many years that I actually left them in the car because I was just so angry, they were talking talking  when I need to drive. And you know what, when I actually asked them and say, ‘Daddy is so sorry I make you all cry by leaving you alone. Daddy actually love you.’ They said, ‘No, no, no, daddy, daddy we love you also, we forgive you.’ So it's so good to be forgiven and to be free from time that you think you have done something wrong. And that makes a relationship closer. And we can learn to love one another and serve one another. So it's really applying forgiveness. So we receive forgiveness.

So the next thing is to really allow God to actually have the right to make us happy or sad. This is interesting, even though we ask forgiveness, but we also want to release that forgiveness to other people. It was said that God has chosen us as children and also given us children. And it’s actually prepare us to actually be the best father for them, to be the best mother for them. In fact we are all God children because once we were in darkness, but now we are light in the Lord. So we need to live as children of light. And this is actually the period where we waiting for Jesus to come. And he's the light of the world and he has actually indeed come to our life. So we need to capture all the thoughts and make them obedient to Jesus Christ. And we need change the negative thoughts into positive thoughts as in 2 Corinthians 10:5.

What is it like actually to walk a in inner victory? Really knowing our Abba Father and receiving that forgiveness and also be able forgive other people and also we seek forgiveness. It's really about a feeling and the lie and that conviction, no we need to exchange it for the truth. And what's the truth? The truth is that Jesus Christ has actually died for us on the cross and by the cross by the blood of Jesus Christ we are actually forgiven. And then we can act on that truth, can really act on the truth. The feelings are actually set free. The wrong thing has been actually amended for and forgiven, because we asked for forgiveness and people said, ‘I’m so sorry’.

And we find actions then connect to our new patterns of thought and practice. And we need to practice them until they become a habit. So this something I actually ask my children to actually help me. You know sometimes I may be quite moody at times, my younger one will say, ‘hey daddy, daddy, how could I help you?’ And together we know this is a journey of repeated and repetitive healing episodes. Likewise, when my children sometimes don't do their housework or don't do their homework, and my wife needs to nag at them, we say ‘let’s just do it so that mummy won’t nag at you so much.’ So a lot of times we say, ‘so sorry mummy, we won’t do this next time.’ Okay we are forgiven! So we asked for the control of the Holy Spirit over our lives so that the flesh can be overcome every day. And I think as a family, we can say, ‘I’m so sorry.’ If you happen to have children who are not so forgiving, they may be ruling and all that. Maybe you can choose to write a letter to them. Find an appropriate time, going for meal together, going for coffee together, right? Where you can have alone time with them to ask for forgiveness. So we need to identify this behaviour and thought in ourselves that inhibit our own growth and our freedom to walk with God. And we work actively to change that with the support of our family members, our mentor, or accountability partner.

So many people then don't experience total restoration because they are actually alone. So in this chapter on restoring damage, it's really about coming back to your family, to your children, your son, your daughter, your wife, and actually coming together to heal together. And actually as a process of discipleship, which means we are practicing Jesus together, it helps in spiritual growth both for themselves and also for ourselves, maturity. So together, we are actually a family of forgiven and forgiving children of light. And this is a daily walk together into inner victory. So again, Sunday is a time that we come to church. And Sunday sometimes we take the communion together. This is the body that spoken for us, the Lord Jesus said, and this is the blood that He shed for us. And he washed the disciples feet. And that's a very good time when we come to the Lord’s table to wash each other's feet, to ask for forgiveness and to walk together as a loving family.

Again, in this time, we need to fight against any pride or self-pity and ask someone to keep us accountable. In this case it’s actually our family, our children, it can be a daughter, a son, in something, may have a temper issue, may have a mood issue or I may procrastinate and not do something. And I think we need to set our mind to heal this and ask the Holy Spirit, ask our children to hold us accountable, and also bring healing to them by being more happy together and spending more family time in healthy relationship together. Likewise also with older men as mentors, they could actually model fatherhood for us. And we can become the father that we have never been because we are walking together. Likewise, we can also life-coach other fathers in authentic fatherhood and we can arrange cycling together, we can arrange going to fishing together. So families can come together and then have happy time together.

This is actually about restoring damage and healing from the inner wounds for our children and also for ourselves. Number one, we need to own the problem and be very specific. What are we sorry for? And then ask for the forgiveness. We also forgive the person. We then together, work together to love one another and serve one another. And this inner victory that we receive from Jesus Christ and then walk together, spend meaningful family time together on Sundays, especially weekends, especially weekdays, have meals together. If possible, every day have dinner together, serve one another. And maybe it's a chance to say sorry also and ask about the day.

So this is about restoring damage, bonding in weakness, not in strength. And is when we can say that we are sorry, that we can find restoration. So what have you realized that maybe you have been doing wrong, that you would like to ask for forgiveness, to say I’m sorry. Or you did not do anything at all, maybe your children will tell you that you could have done better. Would you receive that and ask them?

Question two, how many times have you actually asked for forgiveness from your children or your spouse for things you have actually done wrong the last one week? When was the last time you actually did that? Question three, what are some of the things you still need to ask for forgiveness for? Would you actually think about it? How would you create that space? Right? Maybe together with that person, it could be over a meal, over coffee or whatever is suitable for you, and then ask for that forgiveness. And I wish you all the best, for this is ‘The World Needs A Father’. We can all restore the damage that we have actually done and bond in weakness, not in strength. Thank you.