Hello friends! Welcome back to another episode of “Walking with Same-Sex Attracted Friends”. Today, we will listen to a reflection by Marianne Wong, a pastoral assistant in the Youth and Young Adults Ministry, and her thoughts on the journeys of those walking alongside their same sex attracted friends. I hope this reflection will remind us of our collective journey of “faithfulness in the midst of brokenness” and that we are all one and the same. As you ponder over the stories that we’ve listened to the past few weeks, let’s listen to Marianne’s reflection.

When I first about this book project, I was excited. I wanted to meet and hear about the experiences of other Christians who had journeyed with individuals struggling with same sex attraction. However, after the initial meeting, I decided that I wasn’t going to contribute a story to this section as I felt that the journeys I had the privilege to be on with my same sex attracted friends didn’t have enough resolution. My friends were still struggling. There was no “happily ever after” to speak of. What was there to testify to? So, I agreed to write this reflection piece instead. I thought it would be easier to reflect on the successes of other people’s stories.

There is an urgent need to equip the body of Christ to walk with those who struggle with same sex attraction. One common thread I discovered in reading these stories is a sense of helplessness. Many who journey with individuals struggling with same sex attraction often report a sense of helplessness when the disclosure of same sex attraction is made. They realise that there are many unknowns in journeying with an individual with same sex attraction and there are few resources. As I read through the contributions in this section, I began to realise, however, that I wasn’t alone in feeling that I had not been able to help my same-sex attracted friends achieve their happily-ever-afters. In fact, I was actually good company. None of these stories here have easy resolutions or neat answers. These are all stories in progress. They are still unfolding narratives in the lives of those touched by same sex attraction. This is perhaps a reflection of the lived reality of many individuals who struggle with same sex attraction and those who journey with them.

Typically, the meta-narrative of testimonies one might hear in church are those of having overcome a particular sin, temptation or area of brokenness. As eager as we are to showcase the victories that Christ has given us in our lives, the danger of telling only such stories is that those who are still in the midst of their struggles may feel that their stories cannot be shared – not until they have tasted some recognisable victory. Therefore, for many who struggle with same sex attraction and those who journey with them, this may feel very out of reach.

Wesley Hill is a theologian; he also describes himself as a gay, celibate Christian. Zondervan, which published his book “Washing and Waiting”, described his journey in the book’s blurb as “faithfulness in the midst of brokenness”. That phrase has stuck with me ever since I first read it. Until we see God face-to-face and experience glorification, we are all still imperfect creatures who live in a sin-stained world. Our Christian journeys are all stories of “faithfulness in the midst of brokenness”.

Church leaders can help those struggling with same sex attraction by fostering a culture of vulnerability and authenticity in their churches. One key way they can do this is by sharing their own struggles of brokenness and pain. Unfortunately, when it comes to sexuality, there is already a strong taboo in the church, especially on the topic of same sex attraction. We need leaders who are willing to set the tone. When you go first, it gives others the permission to go second. It opens a safe place for others to share. Perhaps what is challenging in being vulnerable is that to do so, we first need to confront those areas of brokenness in our lives – issues we would rather deny, ignore or downplay.

There is also something else we should be aware of. When talking about same sex attraction in church, we often employ the language of “us” versus “them”. Sometimes, consciously or unconsciously, we wield this kind of divisive rhetoric as a weapon, in a misguided attempt to hammer the LGBTQ community into moral submission. As the stories we’ve listened to have shown, there is no “us” versus “them”; individuals with same sex attraction are already in the church. While this happens to be the hot topic in the present culture wars, we must be careful and gracious in the way we communicate about same sex attraction to the church. For those of us who are heterosexual, we need to relinquish our tendency to see our heterosexuality as making us somehow superior to those struggling with same sex attraction. Sexual purity is an ethical demand for all who profess faith in Christ. But we rarely call heterosexuals to the same standards of sexual purity that we insist on for our same sex attracted friends. We need to admit that we all struggle with brokenness.

The context for grappling with our brokenness is Christian community. The practice of spiritual friendship has been neglected in our highly individualistic Christian culture. We need to reclaim this practice of deep, sacrificial relationships in the body of Christ. Many of the stories in this section illuminate the value of such relationships. In my ministry with young adults, I have observed that many do not know how to be genuine friends with one another – they may have grown up in church with one another, but their friendships remain at a superficial social level. We need to cultivate friendships where there is empathy and unconditional regard. The struggle with same sex attraction is a long road, it may even be for life. Thus, advice-giving or providing quick-fix solutions is often not loving nor useful, it would be better to cry with someone with same sex attraction than try to “cure” or “fix” them. At the same time, we ought to be careful about singling out individuals with same sex attraction for special treatment – either positive or negative. It is important to remember that sometimes walking with people with same sex attraction is just like walking with any other person. Treating them with kid gloves and being reluctant to confront their bad habits will just end up straining the relationship. Individuals with same sex attraction also need avenues to serve and exercise their God-given spiritual gifts too. Because one’s orientation does not define one’s identity in Christ. Whether attracted to the same sex or the opposite one, our shared goal as Christians is to pursue God and grow more in His image. What we need to do is to open up a space in the garden of the Christian community that allows our God, the Gardener, to work.

Many of these “best practices” highlighted in the stories do not only benefit those who struggle with same sex attraction, they also help to make the church an improved version of itself. To become a better place for all who struggle with brokenness. While support groups can be immensely helpful, they are only one part of a bigger picture. The larger body must be engaged in the broader work of creating a safe space to work out faithfulness in the midst of brokenness.

Our eschatology must be balanced as we live in the tension between what theologians call the “already but not yet”. Because Christ has already come, we have victory over sin, disease and death. But because the kingdom has not yet come in its fullness, we will still sin, suffer and die. Hence, it should not surprise us then when there are individuals who are still struggling with same sex attraction, just as how we are still struggling with sin. At the same time, we hold out for the hope that one day He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and  there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, a day when the old order of things will have passed away, a time when He will have made all things new! We are all waiting for the end of the story, for all things to be made happily ever after forever. Until that day, we labour, live and journey in hope.

Yes, truly, just as Marianne has said, let us continue journeying through life in hope and joy, because our God is for us and not against us. As a church and as the body of Christ, let’s all continue to help each other, build each other up and share in each other’s burdens, that we may all continue to grow together in the light of Christ. Let’s live our lives as a blessing to those around us, so that people may see that we are different, and that Christ is truly in our every moment. As Pastor Chris Chia once said, “If Jesus is not the Lord of your every moment, He is not your Lord at all.” Furthermore, what I hope we can take away from the stories we have heard so far is not to label sin. No sin is greater or worse than any other. Ultimately, sin is sin. We are all broken and in need of God to fix us and put us back together, so as a church, let’s not critic whose sin is worse because at the end of the day, we are all on the same boat, in need of Christ’s love and mercy. And that only by God’s grace and mercy, are we made clean and blameless before Him. As a church, let’s journey together, helping one another through this race, as we fight the good fight and strive to become more and more like Christ each day.

In the next episode coming out next Thursday, we will be listening to Pastor Dev Menon’s thoughts on this topic and the need for the church to become a counter-cultural community. Until next time, this has been Global Reachout and it has been a blessing to journey with you. Stay tuned, stay kind and have a great week!