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Hello friends and thank you for staying tuned. God is good, all the time. Today, shall we learn another dance step?
The words of the popular song Tie a Yellow Ribbon reflects the beauty of forgiveness. A popular interpretation of the song is about a man who failed his wife by living a callous life landing him in prison. Years after his loss of freedom, when he was about to be released, he wrote a letter home informing his wife and pleading for her forgiveness. If she could forgive him, he requested that she tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree by the road so that when his bus passed by, he would know he had been forgiven and would alight. But if he didn’t see any ribbon, he would just stay on the bus and ride out of her life. The day came and as the bus approached the oak tree, a hundred yellow ribbons were seen! Everyone on the bus saw the yellow ribbons too and cheered loudly!
Forgiveness is a gift of grace and it works both ways – when we receive God’s forgiveness of our sins, we are also required to forgive the trespasses of others towards us. That is the only way to find joy and peace with God and with man.
Joyce’s pain arose out of her resentment towards her husband. It robbed her of the joy of ministering alongside him in church. At one point in time, due to the demands of some in the congregation, Joyce was told not to give any opinion nor release any prophetic word. It was unfair, and the unkind treatment left her reeling in self-doubt. What added to her pain was that her husband conceded to their demands. Joyce’s spirit was utterly shattered.
So, Joyce kept quiet every Sunday thereafter. Later, they were posted to another church. Little did she know that in God’s sovereign plan, her healing journey was to start in the new church family. One Sunday, a guest preacher spoke from the Song of Songs. Like a thunderbolt streaking across the bleakness of her winter landscape, these life-giving words stood out for her:
Arise, my darling,
My beautiful one, and come with me.
See, the winter is past;
The rains are over and gone.
“Wow, God called me ‘darling’!” That jolted Joyce back to facing the Lover of her soul. And not just once! In the next few days, Joyce continued to hear God affirming His love for her. Her friend, Ann Chan, called these affirmations the eight kisses of God:
Joyce exclaimed, “What more can I say? How could I refuse so great a love, such amazing grace and the invitation to live again? God had invited me to grow and glow again!” One wobbly step at a time, Joyce followed her Lover in a dance towards the healing of her bleeding heart. She released before God, forgiveness towards those who had caused the wounds. Similarly, Joyce released forgiveness towards her husband. Her lifeline to healing is in 1 John 1: 8-9, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”.
1 John 3: 19 & 20 say, “This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: if our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”
Joyce experienced a great sense of relief and gladness; she had finally emerged from her winter. Unknown to her, some women in the new church had been praying for her. Then when they approached her to return to serving the Lord and to resume her fellowship with the believers, Joyce gladly accepted. Together with these ladies, they birthed the women’s ministry of the church.
When Jesus leads you in a dance, just trust and follow for His steps are neither too fast nor too slow.
Doreen’s Dance
Song of Songs 2: 12-13: “Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruits; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.”
Even as a child, Doreen dreamt of marrying her ‘prince charming’ and living ‘happily ever after’. She grew up in a kampong (village) and her father was an authoritarian figure of terror. Often, she went to bed crying from his hurtful words and sometimes, even beatings. She told herself that when she was old enough to get married, she would find a man who would love her, cherish her and whisk her off into the sunset, never to return to her life of misery.
However, the difficult years under her domineering father brought some good. Doreen could recognise victims in troubled relationships and that led her to be a very compassionate listener. Years later, that quality would lay the foundation of her church ministry.
Doreen first met Peter at her workplace. Although she was dating someone else at the time, Peter’s romantic ways soon won her heart. Peter was everything Doreen had dreamed of in a husband: tall, strong, protective and capable. Being the eldest in a family of six children, he was both father and big brother to his younger siblings. Doreen was head over heels in love and married him in 1975. She gave birth to a son, Darius, in 1977. But a year later, her dream suddenly became a nightmare. She discovered that Peter was having an affair with a secretary in his office.
Though they talked about divorce, her mother-in-law intervened. She gave Peter a good tongue-lashing and demanded that he break off the affair and be a proper, responsible husband at home. Peter was filial, so he conceded to his mother’s demand and returned to Doreen. He promised her not to stray again. With a great deal of pain, Doreen forgave him and their marriage was restored for a time.
Their second son, Dallas, was born in 1979. Six years later, Doreen was retrenched. Peter was travelling frequently on business, but his heart was still unchanged. He had an affair in Taiwan. Then Doreen’s mother-in-law suddenly died. Doreen felt the second blow was greater because now, she was financially dependent on Peter and had to stay home to look after two boys. The couple quarrelled many times and even discussed divorce again. Doreen’s father-in-law consoled her but he couldn’t help much as he understood Peter’s predicament, having gone astray in his own younger days.
Doreen bore with the situation for more than a year for the sake of her two sons. Soon, Peter’s affair cooled off and he returned to the family. She thought that would be his last time. They bought a landed property, increasing their financial obligations. By then, Darius and Dallas were in their teens.
In 1994, Peter took on more responsibility in his company’s operations in China. He was seldom home, often staying there for three consecutive months and returning home for hardly a week. History repeated itself. Doreen discovered that Peter was seeing another girl who was just four years older than Darius!
The repeated pain of betrayal was almost impossible for her to bear. In addition, she had lost the support of her mother-in-law with her sudden passing. “Enough is enough!” she told herself. She contemplated suicide and one night, when the strain was too intense, she tried to stab herself with a kitchen knife. But Peter was home that night and grabbed the knife just in time. He shouted at her that he definitely wanted a divorce. Doreen collapsed on the kitchen floor in a sobbing heap. They lapsed into a stalemate for weeks.
During that time of turmoil, Doreen was invited by Evelyn, her ex-colleague, to a thanksgiving dinner at her church. Though reluctant, Doreen accepted the invitation and went. God is amazing! At the dinner table, Doreen was surrounded by warm, smiling women in an atmosphere of love and acceptance. That evening, the gospel message of love brought Doreen hope in her dark world of despair and loneliness. There and then, she surrendered her life and received Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour.
Church became a sanctuary of hope and a shelter from pain in the aftermath of her stormy marriage. With support from fellow Christians and good pastoral care, she learnt to release forgiveness towards her wayward husband. Some years later through her fervent prayers, Peter at a church camp, finally received Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Saviour. What a miracle!
In Isaiah 54:7 & 8, it says, “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you.”
Although the Lord healed their broken marriage, another set of trouble was brewing. With Peter’s extravagant lifestyle and Doreen’s gambling addiction, together with share market losses, they amassed debts of more than half a million dollars. They had to sell their landed property to try to pay off the huge debt. Doreen said, “I will never forget the feeling of not having an address,” while they bunked in illegally at a friend’s public housing flat.
The financial reversal was worse than they anticipated. The bank threatened bankruptcy action against them. During the same period, Peter was also retrenched. The crisis drove both of them to their knees in desperate prayer for another miracle. God’s answer was prompt and encouraging. Family and friends chipped in to help them pay off the bank progressively bringing a great relief to her. The Lord’s Prayer, “Our Father who art in heaven”, was so real to Doreen. God touched her heart as He provided ‘daily bread’ for the family. Each day, different people brought food for them; they never ran out of food although they were often hard-pressed for money.
Darius and Dallas completed their secondary and junior college education with help from various people. Soon, the family was able to have their own flat when in the nick of time, a sister from church agreed to provide the cash upfront payment for the flat. Peter also managed to secure a good-paying job which enabled them to pay off all outstanding debts. Praise the Lord! They had surrendered their difficult situation to God and let Him take control. Years later, Peter gave up his well-paying job to serve the Lord full-time as a pastoral worker in the Chapel of Resurrection, Singapore.
Doreen testified that the 15-year journey with the Lord can be likened to a dance. In the dance, the Lord taught her to open her eyes to the beauty of the people who have made a difference to her well-being. He also gave her new eyes to see beyond the surface. God gave Doreen the ministry of reconciliation. She is a peacemaker to those in troubled relationships. She has learnt the peace dance. She says, “May His shalom also be yours as you learn to hold His hands in your own dance of healing.”
Stay tuned for another dance!